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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-10-20 13:42:14 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Light

Sunrise Shines on lovers Embraced in a soft kiss Hearts beating in tune with a song Daybreak

Additional Notes:
This is a traditional cinquain....2-4-6-8-2 and 5 lines

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-10-29 08:54:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Imagery becomes something more when the metaphor achieves a dual relationship (organic) with another imagist device as does the illusion of "Hearts beating in tune" with the metaphor, "with a song/Daybreak". Unspoken, but engendered, the play of "Sunrise" upon this process produces two forms of relationship which evoke a parallelism of warmth of sun, warmth of kiss. In all this "stirring" the pot, impressions come close to a mind grasp of the moment. Just about as close, I think, as we can come to sharing the experience. Well done, Marilyn. JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-10-28 20:11:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn, Just dropped by and stumbled at this very nice poetry of yours. A very lovely picture! So much to inspire. Thanks for the notes, I wouldn't have recognized the form. I am glad that TLP is back up and running again. Excited to crituique although not quite have enough time. God bless, Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2006-10-27 20:20:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
marilyn--These sparse 22 syllables speaks vividly of two amorists being spotlighted by the daytime star. The entire scene is simple, yet endearing in its romantic and hyperbolic imagery. Excellent use of "one option" for this particular form. Nice ditty. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-10-25 07:10:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
This is a great cinquain! You've done really well with portraying your thoughts and the image is complete. Alot of people have trouble writing this type of poetry, but you do it with an easy hand. I really like this. No suggestions for change- sorry! It is complete and I like it alot.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2006-10-20 21:02:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Marilyn. It's been a very long time. I've been so far from poetry of late that I'd even forgotten about what 'cinquains' are, until I read this. I'll begin with my customary opening. Writing within restrictions such as this form is difficult enough let alone expressing feelings like a waterfall. Yet, in simple but effective language you manage to bring forth the spirit of love. Well, I only wish I had the opportunity of experiencing the intimacy you highlight here. It's a challenge to be in love but be exempt from expressing one's feelings through physical proximity...especially for an affectionate person like me and I guess that this world's contrasts will always be more noticeable and therefore more moving. So, suffice it to say that I was moved by this as it reminds me of what could be but cant be....ah I dont want to venture down this dark road...living it is enough :-) The sunrise, the kiss and the tuned heartbeats all make for a picture that could attract tears...yes, even in a man. Looking forward to reading more. Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-10-20 17:19:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, I think hearts beating to 'the' song....Daybreak.[instead of 'a' song] I'm nuts what can I tell you? Otherwise...lovely, my dear. You are such a romantic! I think a better title than Light/maybe Lover's Light/Nature's Stage. Good poem. dellena

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