This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-11-13 12:45:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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LOVE SONG

This is the poem that speaks your name in the quiet of the night. In the scurry of the day to lull your heart with sweet refrain. In whispers soft that only you may hear for it is yours alone. An undersong of love  in penned caress as tender as the lullaby.

Copyright © November 2006 Nancy Ann Hemsworth

Additional Notes:
Additional Notes: The Triversen (triple verse sentence) is a sentence broken into three lines. It could be called a “verset”, a surge of language in one breath. The Triversen is: 1. accentual. The rhythm of normal speech, employing 1 to 4 strong stresses per line. 2. stanzaic, written in any number of tercets. Each tercet is a sentence broken into 3 uneven lines.| 3. grammatical. The sentence is broken by line phrasing or lineating or sense units. There should be 3 units. L1 is statement of fact or observation, L2 and L3 should set the tone, imply a condition or associated idea, or carry a metaphor for the original statement. 4. unrhymed.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-12-05 21:25:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Nancy, I started to review you twice before and it disappeared on me. One more try. I applaud your verset. I believe you made a surge of anguage/thought in one breath quite nicely. It reads as sweet as a lullabye. It is life enhancing and the more we appreciate another, the more it moves on to others. This loved one may be any loved one not specifically a mate. Love is never over rated there's never enough of it! Lovely poem you wrote. Dellena


This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-12-04 21:16:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Dear Nancy, This poem is full of love and tender emotion, a strong bond of love, between two people. Directly stated, it is for one and one alone only. I really like the last verse, where you say - An undersong of love in penned caress as tender as the lullaby. Very imaginative line - very unique and pleasing to the reader. There's nothing in this piece I would change - I enjoyed it, in it's simplicity, for the magnitude of poetic expression that it holds. Peace & Blessings, Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2006-12-03 18:18:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Love Song......nice title........sets the mood for romantic happenings yet to come.......sets my memory in motion of days gone by and other places I've been and the sad brown eyes that walked away. Hope all is well with you. Happy Holidays my friend. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-12-01 11:07:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.53846
Nancy, thank you so much for teaching me something new today! I will indeed have to try this form one day. It is a good work (even if I didn't know the 'rules' I would have liked it). It is soft and inviting and full of good 'vibes'..(can I say that?) When it's quiet, or when it's busy, day or night, still your thoughts are of love. Very enjoyable reading, my friend! I really like this. Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-11-21 17:50:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy, Thank you for introducing us to a new form....I like it, and; when time permits I might try one. Your poem is such a tender whisper, excuse the cliche', it's almost like a prayer...............spoken softly it is radiant in the thoughts you've shared. This has been a delicious afternoon treat. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-11-15 14:53:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Hi Nancy...the Triversen sounds pretty complicated but in writing one you have created a lovely poem. I love...."in the scurry of the day" that is innovative and beautiful. In fact the entire poem is soft, beautiful, and easy to read and enjoy without having to tear it apart to understand the words. Well done! Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: stephen g skipper On Date: 2006-11-15 06:13:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Nancy Thank you for this poem, again showing my ignorance I've never, I dont think, seen this style of poem before! There is a tender gentleness to this piece which drew me in, its given me a warm glow, just like being in love. My curiosity to the style is making me think, was this style used in early religious poems (trinity)? The celts used three alot in their pieces admittedly not alot was written down but that would really suit this type of poem, it seems to go with the rythmn of breath. Thank you for this poem I really enjoyed it take care steve x
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2006-11-14 12:29:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Nancy, nice to meet you. Lucky me you were on the top of my list. I am studying a poetry book right now and I got more out of your notes than the first 50 pages of my book. I will print your poem and notes for further study. As far as the poem itself I find it very tight and excellent I like the last verse best but all are very well written. For me the read was well fit and just a gem. Very poetic with succint phrasing giving a fresh read on a tired subject penned caress is lovely. Again thanks for the notes, my question Nancy is #4 unrhymed, triversen has to be unrhymed?? This is something I'd like to try because it is so crisp of course you've made it look so easy- Thanks again mk
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