This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-11-20 16:57:04 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Ready? When you stand in “the†line will you
Be ready when your name is called?
Or will you stumble on your sins
And pretend to be guileless?
If swollen hearts throb as in the
Throes of passion, transgressions
Seem trivial, like the quiet
Moan of a mandolin…
Then comes the dawn
The ague of our bones never cools
But remains inside the skeleton
To tempt and tease
Ultimate stress exists between
Life and the path to death
Will you be ready when
Your name is called?
Will you have time to walk
The avenues of penitence?
Most will be caught searching
For the key that opens those
Bejeweled gates before
The last twist of the knife
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Copyright © November 2006 marilyn terwilleger
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-12-06 10:31:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95238
Have we still an appreciation of ultimate resolution...and an
ultimate outcome to our successes/failings? Are these things
decided in polarities of good versus evil, heaven versus hell?
Your poem is not a mere thundering on the old drum of damnation,
but, rather, a haunting expectation just maybe there should be
some kind of accounting.
And that is with what I can agree. For it is all found in the
mind, the anchor of the soul to this particular life. "to walk/
The avenues of penitence" is not solely some score and as you
place it in contrast to the childish hopes some will have for
a magic key to the "Bejeweld gates", the appreciation for good
works is sounded.
Indeed, "The ultimate stress exists between/Life and the path
to death" underlies your own ultimate intention here. Coming to
terms with ourselves may very well fasten to where we are focusing
next, whether it be peaceful resignation to death, some heavenly
reward, or just a new start at some race with another redundant
finish line.
Depth that I have come to expect, Marilyn.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2006-12-03 19:14:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
Are we ever ready my friend.........Good question, interesting read and brings me back six yearsnow when I was called and He held me in His loving arms........not once did I think this is it.......not ready to go just yet.......sould too full of darkness still to be cleared........I know in my heart I would not have joined mom and dad in God's Heavenly Garden......not worthy for sure........yet in my thoughts of 'if this is what it is like to die, its okay' I did not fear a thing for my Lord was right there with me.........
Indeed there are many roads to walk through life on; we get to pick which way we shall go and only hope in the end we made the right choices. Food for thought ....live each day as if it were your last and you will do just fine for remember there is no fear in dying.......He waits. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Teresa Green On Date: 2006-12-03 17:56:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, I really love this. You hit on some life changing points.
Most tend to put off 'til tomorrow, thinking I have time.
But this warning should be heeded. I especially like the last 4 lines.
Encourages us to think about our life purpose and time left.
We all have need to ponder these questions at some point.
Not wanting to overstep since I'm relatively new here but Um,
are we thinking about our mortality lately? I just read "Wrath", which
I found to be quite thought provoking as well.
Good message and title. I love titles that are questions!
Kind regards,
Teresa
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-11-22 17:52:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
So, Mazza in a pensive mood ...
... works for me.
Probably because I expect to be one of those scrabbling for the key at the last second.
Dash it all, I feel like I've been outed.
M
xx
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-11-21 13:01:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
OOOO Marilyn! This is deep and thoughful. I bet you step on some toes with this one! I seem to share the same beliefs as you do and I adore this message. Clear and loud, you haven't missed a thing.
If swollen hearts throb as in the
Throes of passion, transgressions
Seem trivial, like the quiet Moan of a mandolin....I can feel the lonely strings
Most will be caught searching
For the key that opens those (bejewled gates)....how true! I hope that hits someone right in the smacker! You say it bluntly enough that it ought to wake someone up.
The last twist of the knife....pardon the pun, but that last thought can cut pretty deep!
I love this little ditty! A strong message, spoken directly and clearly.
Great work! I really like it! thanks for sharing these ideas, Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-11-21 02:03:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn,
How very clever you are, and how to the point. Your execution is without flaw, I pray that many will take your message to heart; put their houses in order so to speak. Very enjoyable, graphically mentally reproduceable.............LOL....now there's a new one for you. Thanks for this offering.
Lora
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