This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-12-09 23:22:37 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Widow Walk Time It's not much this night to come,
Pleasant walk around to await the sun,
Seeping stars away to blue the sky
Upward turning one face to try
Finding dew set upon the weary rail
Overlooking a returning soldier's trail.
The house now alone left vacant on a hill,
Morning mists lift as warmth would fill
In tide the air touching the last ghost specter
To round the corner where it was expected. |
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Copyright © December 2006 James C. Horak
This Poem was Critiqued By: Teresa Green On Date: 2007-01-06 11:34:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi James,
Title caught my ear with your whispering 'w's and the implication of death.
You approach subject of death with these soft sighing sounds and the rhyme has a
softening effect as well. This piece speaks to the heart of anyone, but especially
those you have lost a loved one to such a cruel fate as war.
Use of alliteration and other poetics help build this into a definate keeper.
I'm glad I found this, as I haven't had much time recently for perusing.
Peace, Teresa
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2007-01-04 21:31:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92857
Hello James. This is a compelling piece. It has a 'creepy feeling' about it; something mysterious and unknown. The end is a sad thing, but feels like it belongs there.
I really don't like to read this kind of poetry. The sentences are left open-as if nothing is ever really finished, no thought fully known.
...these 2 lines are great...
It's not much this night to come,
Pleasant walk around to await the sun,.....some would argue even those sentences are incomplete; but to me they are familial, like a dialect. But these:
Upward turning one face to try
Morning mists lift as warmth would fill
...these are heavy and dull..they don't carry any passion with them....might be better off without them.
Sorry I can't offer much more than that. I do appreciate the referrence to the soldier though. I'm still smiling and I hope you are too! Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-12-26 18:18:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
James,
Sounds like a soldier's wife waiting for his return.
And its a long wait.
I liked
The house now alone left vacant on a hill,
Morning mists lift as warmth would fill [warmth would fill..........'good']
In tide the air touching the last ghost specter
To round the corner where it was expected. [the rhyming was great until the last stanza-specter/expected]I understand the delemma nothing rhymes with specter/vector/hector.
Love the title, some people widow walk through their lives.
Waiting for things to change........waiting for prince charming.
Love your stuff.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-12-11 15:09:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi James....This is such a touching poem...it has a hint of lonliness to it that I find charming. I don't see you write in rhyme...maybe only a time or two. I like that you decided to do it with this poem...your word choices are beautiful and should be accompanied with a musical rhyme. Some may not think so but to me it is romantic and makes a lovely read. You never cease to amaze me....I just think I have you figured out and there you go and do something entirely different that makes me step back and re-think my image of you. Another great poem from your talented pen.
Cheers....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2006-12-11 05:58:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Good Morning Poet, I have read this one more then once and it keeps calling me back. Wonder why?
Good form, filled with images right from the start. Thanks for posting and sharing with us once more your God given talent. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2006-12-11 02:34:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I love this, but I'm not thrilled with your rhythm.
I'm playing with 8 strong beats:
It's not so much this night to come,
A pleasant walk; await the sun
To sweep stars away, to blue the sky;
Upward turning one face as I -
Feel the dew set upon the weathered rail -
Overlook a tired soldier's trail.
One vacant house remains on this hill,
Morning mists lift as if warmth would fill
The air releasing the least accepted
Round the corner where he's expected.
?
tew
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