This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2006-12-15 15:56:40 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Retribution

~ your narcissistic character berates foul temperament of treachery consumes all virtuosity evaporates and crumbling walls of reason  lie in ruins                          I rise up out of riotous remains                          with arms stretched high, I breach the binding chains a cyclone through a thorn bush , comes your scorn stabbing at my psyche like a knife while squalor and vindictiveness adorn this harrowing existence you call life                          between dead silence and cold sanity                           I ascertain my own veracity betrayal, the reward you allocate blind immaturity, your foible fault by arrogance and lies you desecrate with calculated cruelty, you assault                          your capillary movements bear no worth                          from absolute awareness comes rebirth my happiness, your callousness dispels my faithfulness, your malice has maligned from fracture into fissure, hatred swells invading every crevice of my mind                          no longer shall I suckle your obsession                          ascendancy is my retaliation ~

Copyright © December 2006 Mary J Coffman


This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-01-04 11:20:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Mary, It took me several reads to grasp the whole of this precise and well penned poem. Ah yes, how often have these feelings welled up inside to not be spoken but only to one's self. I applaud you for your courage to set pen to something that is so seldom given voice and to do so in such a fine manner. Kudos! Lora


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2006-12-27 03:57:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Poet.....Interesting piece which warrants more then one reading for the images created with the flare of your pen are so alive.......emotions are running very deep and there seems to be quite an awareness that this has to stop before it is too late.......not certain who though your feelings are delaing with but I tend to feel it is someone you loved and probably still do but the pain this brings is too much and you need to set yourself free. Interesting form for it seems to have more then one meaning as well. Sorry for rambling, just wanted you to know what I felt while reading this. Thanks for posting and may the New Year find your pen in hand still writing for the world to see. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-12-19 13:02:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary, there is a barrage here of reaction, obviously intended towards some object of your derision, but the effect, unless you wish to be perceived in little more than rage, is not directed to anything you've given face. In literature, relief, whether comic or to add depth through allowing complexity, is required. Nothing is purely evil, nothing purely bad... to focus as you do here, without that relief, is to suggest your rage is blind, though it may very well not be. You have created wonderful imagery, turned some grand lines, serve them better by a rewrite. That would better give me an opportunity to extol your virtues as the poet I know you to be. JCH
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