This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-01-14 17:15:36 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Barren

Air the color of midnight befits my mood of black Tree leaves are limp so I won’t speak nor      write of them Dark clouds too empty I turn away, indifferent Verdant grass, pompous trees I’ll not waste my time I have given all of me to the written expression to poets of grandeur     My soul is spent My notions dry as bones muse, once my friend now turns on me robbing my sapient words I need rest, to loll alone shall I then remain barren? Will thin rain fall and feed my wordless wilderness? Such thoughts confound me but      I remain unmoved

Copyright © January 2007 marilyn terwilleger

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sharon J Eisenmann On Date: 2007-02-03 08:50:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn, Barren is an excellent title. I think the comparison within is very appropriate. I can soooo relate to the feel of this. And even in your barreness, you have managed to put together some great alliterative(is that a word?lol) phrases My favorite of which is wordless wilderness. That's awesome. your unmovedness(now I know that is not a word!lol) is more alluring then my most stirring monment. Best, Sharon

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-01-29 21:25:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82353
Marilyn, Pretty good there lady...... Barren is the most perfect word! Sometimes one feels empty barren of any kind of thought, intelligent or otherwise! Even quiet time alone makes no diference, nothing pops up. And we remain unmoved until we move again.... I thoroughly relate to your barrenness. it comes more often than necessary. An uninvited guest. You know the rest! Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-01-18 15:01:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
You are far from barren my friend, this read touches my soul ........well penned, words just flow without hestitation as they come alive for us to see the empty clouds as they pass overhead, the limbs that await new growth when spring returns, on and on the pictures flow. Thanks for posting and sharing once again your God given talent. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-01-15 16:53:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, Methinks your missing muse was merely disguised! This is wonderful in all its exceptional figurative language and imagery. Air the color of midnight befits my mood of black .....love the comparison (and the metaphor) Tree leaves are limp so I won’t speak nor write of them .....but, my dear, you have! and so eloquently. This stanza stands out for me as well... My notions dry as bones ...again, LOVE the simile/metaphor muse, once my friend now turns on me robbing my sapient words ...."sapient" Hmmmmmmm... ...what a fresh and brilliant way to say that one seems to have lost insight/wisdom. I need rest, to loll alone shall I then remain barren? ..."barren is the perfect word here Will thin rain fall and feed my wordless wilderness? ..."thin rain fall"...Outstanding! The alliteration of "wordless wilderness" is perfection, as well, and an excellent example of simile (once again) The verbiage throughout this piece of word art is not only well chosen to deliver the intended message, but also the presentation is very effective. Each verse leading from one thought to the next ever so smoothly. Seems your muse snuck up on you and declared itself "Heard!" I love this!! Warmest regards, Mary
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-01-15 12:48:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, so much passion and darkness in this piece. Although I haven’t visited that place in a while, you stir up my love of those dark passions; yet to be lost in them seethes to escape. Your title matches well the theme; “Barren” whether of land or womb, it regards only itself. Still there is the truth behind it that is hidden- barren lands still teem with life unseen, and a barren womb is the bargain of a living woman of hope and regard- “I remain unmoved”- the moment looking in, and out. Many amplifiers of this piece cull those feelings, “midnight”, “black”, “limp” and then a transition takes place from loss to blame, “indifferent”, “pompous”, “verdant” and still from the “won’t speak” to the “not waste my time”- there is a shrill regard for hope. The personal reflections accept and speak to us, “given all”, “written expression”, “poets grandeur”, and “soul is spent” speak of the woman, the poet, and those who find the road blocked at times but remain to see the end of the opera. Lastly you take us with passion to “barren” – “alone”, “will the rain fall”, “wordless wilderness”, and the epitaph of such “confounded”- and then you reserve the right to remain with hope and in creation – “I remain unmoved”. I don’t know the struggles that assail you, yet I know of the loss that haunts you. this is a fine piece of poetry. I find more hope in it than your wish of “thin rain”, the hope reflected is of bountiful sustenance- somewhere. Enjoyed the read, a verse, and as a moment with you.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-01-14 17:33:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, Such perfection in this write, definitely of an accomplished pen. It for me has an almost Shakepearen feel, sonnetesque...( a little word coinage there). We've all felt as you've written so eloquently, I'm sure we've all wondered if we've run dry, no more to drink from the well's water. Bravo, well done and articulate. best always, Lora
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