This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-02-08 11:29:56 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Winter Ice

From my back porch exposed branches dip, wave and weave, trees ashamed without their summer leaves. Silhouettes of willows shiver and dance to nature’s brush of ice and snow.   Summer flowers are netted in frost. Frozen threads of water held by eaves, as sharp, quick air sweeps and scrubs and sparrow’s nests are ice embossed. From my back porch and across the glebe, vacancy meets my swing. Faded with age its rope slumped and frayed, the splintered seat bowing  to windy whorls.  Memory sways above grass’ green. From my back porch I hear white silence of the snow as tearful willows nod to winter ice. Within serenades of stillness,  and inside this wonder,        beats my heart 

Copyright © February 2007 marilyn terwilleger

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-02-24 19:07:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, This is soooooo lovely. I love the cold forlorn view to the outside from your porch. Your descriptions were delicious/unpretentious. I love the old swing. quote; the splintered seat bowing to windy whorls. I feel like I see it! And I know your feeling of aloneness.... You may know many people who come and go but you feel almost empty inside. There is a place inside where love resides and yearns. I have one too.' The only thing that fills it is when I give love to anyone/everyone. And then I'm full. I can't wait for it to come to me. When I'm so miserable I'm tough to be aroun. I'm rambling...... I wished one thing different.....a different word than wonder.....maybe beauty/something more special You are so blessed we need a more appreciative word! and inside this wonder, inside this God's glory? beats my heart Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-02-18 13:37:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Marilyn, there is so much in this piece. When you finally jumped into the scene in the last few lines, you personalized the entire coming of winter. I will be candid about this piece- it was going to be a journey along one of your shores, as many times I have taken, but for me there was so much thrown into this piece that I couldn't breathe in the salient emotions- that would have set up your "beats my heart". At times the analogies were quite obscure- not that in the right setting they might sustain an entire stanza, but all together, this piece that should have strove my heart and drew me to your heartbeats, was too much work- with too many diverging paths. This is not a bad piece, but I don't think it has the polish of most of your other pieces. Were it me, I'd take out a third of the most obscure analogies- and fill the stanza's with reinforcement for your most powerful. My favorite moments were: • Silhouettes of willows shiver and dance • and across the glebe, vacancy meets my swing • as tearful willows nod to winter ice • AND OF COURSE – Seeing Marilyn “Within serenades of stillness beats my heart” As always, your verse holds a personal truth that allows the reader to find themselves.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-02-08 19:11:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Dear Marilyn, This read is special - it touched my heart. It is the essence of winter, as the reader feels the season through the whole poem. Trees ashamed without their summer leaves - sets the beauty of this piece, it's a great line. Other good lines are: and sparrow's nests are ice embossed - tearful willows nod to winter ice. You have written this with words, that emit the feeling of winter, chosen words to describe the sights and sounds - and evoke the solemn feeling winter can bring. My favorite time of the year - is summed up in your poem. sincerely, Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-02-08 18:00:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Simply breathtaking the images you have created from your back porch poet.....so very well presented in every way. The closing stanza especially nice as you have added your being to the scene from your back porch as your heart beats in wonder of the beauty the Lord has placed before you. thanks for sharing, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-02-08 11:59:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, What an artistic view you present here with your well chosen words..yes, with all the coldness there in lies a pristine beauty that refreshs the spirit, sets mind to wonder and coaxs memory forth. I'll come sit on your back porch with you, enjoy the silent beauty but you have to tell me while we enjoy this awesome winter-scape that we'll have something warm to hold in hand and drink away the chill. Just love this in it's entirety. Best, Lora
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