This Poem was Submitted By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2007-02-25 00:08:57 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Wind Tunnels

Sitting On the Bottom or'neath the wind tunnels does it blow with a force of gale as I've not ever known I can hear them breathing, I can feel the sway ..but the wind blows over ..the ground gets colder ..stones lay silent again at once there is a calm and I hold my breath it seems none would release them the air is ready for expulsion and I to become free ... but no, it is too late to make an eternal exit for within the winds  the times have passed over a swelling as a fire storm erupts above the air and still I am alone here, on the bottom.

Copyright © February 2007 Ellen K Lewis

Additional Notes:
or'neath= over and under and all around, encompasing and joining..... (I just wanted to try something new)


This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-03-01 10:52:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86667
Hi Ellen....such a melancholy poem with a somewhat sad message. I'm going to noodle with your first two lines...now this is just a suggestion and in no way do you have to agree! How about... 'neath tunnels of wind, blowing with a force I've never known...or blowing with a gale such as I've ever known. I don't think you need 'gale' and 'force' as they mean the same. also I would delete both 'cans' in the next line (but) the wind blows over....delete 'but' "and I to become free" is a bit choppy...what if you say; for me to become free (the) times have passed over,....need comma here I love the ending of this poem...it is unexpected and packs a good punch! Well Done!! cheers....Marilyn


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-02-28 23:29:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70588
Hi Poet......interesting read and though you say this is something new to you it is written as if you have done this form before. I like the title, The Wind Tunnels, for it brings forth many images as one sees and feels the wind in many different ways.........brings me back to my childhood and walking to school on a cold winter morning. One of the roads was just like a wind tunnel and if not careful you walked frontwards and backwards at the same time.......The wind is associated with many different feelings too. Some fear the wind when a storm is approaching; some enjoy the slight breeze as it kisses their cheek and I enjoy the wind as it crosses the back yard and touches my wind chimes bringing forth music to the world around me. Looking for more of this kind of work. Thanks for posting and sharing, God Bless, Claire
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