This Poem was Submitted By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2007-04-04 11:29:58 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Winterage
Ash gray scalp slipping
steadily to baldness
northeastern rains welling in
a pregnant April sky.
Winter reluctantly
leaving as an abrasive guest
who overstayed his welcome;
cold, wet, with bluster and bravado.
Attempting to maintain
his dignity, through recapturing the
joy of his youth, when soft snow
adorned his hurried movements.
Drizzle and wind,
cool rather than frigid.
Tepidly advancing towards
a limp shower crescendo.
Oddly barren and ungainly
in his loss of power,
not understanding the
nurturing paradigm of Spring.
Gerard A. Geiger April 4, 2007
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Copyright © April 2007 Gerard A Geiger
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2007-04-26 19:30:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Gerard,
Rarely as such an extreme personification of winter came upon the pages of TPL. I swear you're describing a very old man, who has lost the twinkle in his eye. Since so many 'season' poems have appeared here, it's evident that spring is much appreciated in coming!
Your imagery edges just above the commonplace to be almost droll. And it works so well, that I was transported momentarily to the seniors residence where I recently visited a dear elderly friend, who smiled mischieviously as she pointed out who she likes to take dinner with...and who not.
Enjoyed this poem, in a amused kindaway. It's good sometimes to see not everything candy-coated.
Terry
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-04-13 15:54:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Gerard,
Hello. I'm glad to see you back here. Good use of imagery, in this poem. This piece has a strong start to it, immediately grabbing the readers interest. "Ash gray scalp", and "pregnant April sky", good lines.
Second verse, doesn't feel as strong as the first, but still holds the readers interest. Only my opinion, but the word choice of abrasive, doesn't work for me here. The poem hesitates for me after this - and doesn't seem to have the same impact as the beginning of the poem to me.
I do like the read - but I feel with some work - you could really expand your ideas with this, and have a much powerful piece.
sincerely,
Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-04-09 06:49:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lovely picture you have painted of Old Man Winter poet....indeed he is a hard one to be rid of.....seems he was gentle for most of the winter season but now that the flowers are bursting through the ground and the earth cries to be reborn the snow flies, the winds blow and the power goes out. Thanks for posting this fine offering and hopefully when he returns he wont have the strength to over stay his welcome. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-04-05 16:41:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Gerard....Do you know how much this poem sings to me? I write a lot of poems about Nature and wonders we find there. You have used a plethora of wonderful phrases here that create lovely images in the mind of this reader. I love the notion that Winter does not want to give up his hold on the land..."leaving as an abrasive guest who overstayed his welcome"....these lines are wonderful...I don't know about anyone else but I wish I had written them!
Ash gray scalp slipping
steadily to baldness.........these beginning lines are attention getters which I think is something all
poets should strive for.
"Attempting to maintain his dignity"...almost makes one feel sorry for old man winter....but not enough to invite him to stay any longer than he has to!
A wonderful poem...well written and memorable....bravo!!
cheers....Marilyn
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