This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-04-11 19:36:26 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Transience
yesterday,
from behind glass walls we gazed
as downy white billows
spill over lofty mountains
resting on elbows
discovering characters in clouds
....I drift into reflection,
committing to memory
that learned by heart
as tears stipple
the velvet blackness of night
and dreams give you back to me....
how like your delicate arms,
morning mist’s organza embrace
calming,
comforting,
peaceful,
persuading petals to
unfurl their gracious garb
and welcome the nurturing nectar
of munificence
a unforgettable vibrant smile
emerges each day
as sun kisses sky
yielding deep heady aromas
of fresh furrowed fields
the warm, wet, fertile earth
that cultivated your life
faint winds sing
your journey
a soothing sonata set free
upon hummingbird wings
rushing toward infinity
spreading emblazoned hues
painting twilight on paradise
as shadows slip past the sill
and you leave this world behind
yesterday we contemplated clouds
...today
you are the cloud
~ |
|
Copyright © April 2007 Mary J Coffman
Additional Notes:
For Norma, with much love and adoration.
1/2/29 ~ 3/30/07
She will live deep within my heart....always.
I'll miss you, dear friend.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-05-01 17:35:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.63636
Hi Mary....this poem is so beautiful that I deny anyone to read it with a dry eye. What a wonderful tribute to your dear friend. Your word choices are excellent and your presentation is flawless (as usual!) You have so many superb phrases that it is impossible for me to single any one of them out, as they are all so lovely. Also your ending is remarkable, which to me, is one of the signs of a well written and memorable poem. Roses for this one....The best I have read in a long time.
Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-04-21 15:04:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Mary,
Such a soft mesmerizing offering, lovingly you've showed the depth of feelings you had for the one who has passed on. You've gifted us with but a brief view into a relationship that all too few ever enjoy with friends, family or ourselves. Very enjoyable, kleenex in hand for who'd want to relinquish such a treasure.
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-04-13 07:15:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
so so beautiful Mary. This whole piece feels as if it wisps as clouds. It is the memories that keep us and nuture out souls when friends and loved ones pass..like the clouds over head. I love your choice of soft "s" sounds throughout this piece and it gives it such a calming effect. We all know this feeling of loss, but you have made it magical and hopeful. For our memories do not die and continue with us long after. your ending is wonderful and speaks of the cycle of nature and our lives..we are all of stardust my friend..continous circle over and over again..you in me and me in you and all that is living.."yesterday we contemplated clouds
...today
you are the cloud" so so true..and well written
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-04-12 02:04:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
What a beautiful tribute to your friend, Norma.....I know she is watching over you and smilling down upon you from the clouds you watched together......your images are wonderfully presented; your words just float as if on air, reaching out to all who care and gives hope to those filled with loss over their loved ones. I find this poem is perfect in every way and I thank you for posting and sharing with us. God Bless and I am sorry for your loss, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-04-12 00:02:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
A poem whose imagery so well reaffirms its title that it leads
theme. Not an easy thing to do. There is such subtle drift towards
the ending found in the line, "painting twilight on paradise". Then
the statement, "as shadows slip past the sill/and you leave this world
behind". Delivered so well by, "...today/you are the cloud" the reader
is offered something more than simply sorrow but an eulogy of what
value this person was...reflected both in the memories "that learned
by heart" and "morning mist's organza embrace" by those, "delicate arms".
It is a sensual recollection you share with the reader, that draws almost
a portrait of what you've lost but still somewhat retain.
Not death, but "Transience".
Far more touching than wailing.
JCH
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