This Poem was Submitted By: Christopher Rhodes On Date: 2007-04-22 22:42:38 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Obelisk

Here I stand, an obelisk against the waves. The incessant battering slowly erodes unyielding stone. The passage of years shows in the rough texture of a once smooth-polished face. The isolated spire stands aloof, defiantly unbowed by the ravages of time. Wrinkles cut by sand and salt, grim reminders of mortality. This solitary bastion will not eternally stand against the tide, no matter how resolute.   One day it too shall fall. Soft-edged jagged bones will lie untended and forgotten; half interred in the sands of shattered dreams, wailing their silent dirge  into the cold, clear heart of ignominy where no tear rolls down warm marble cheeks.

Copyright © April 2007 Christopher Rhodes


This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-04-30 22:53:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
You've turned some good lines here, Christopher, and you have an already imagist symbol in the "Obelisk" that yearns for broader context. Yeats gave the monolith of Ozymandias one, the pomposity of his supposedly timeless likeness, (look upon me and tremble,) slowly being eaten by wind-driven sand. You simply remind us of our mortality with the example of what even a polished obelisk cannot endure. I for one, in the anticipation of both your poetic language and poem development want more. Either reaffirmation, display of folly, more than just where "no tear rolls". The ideas of things endure. One day the monuments on mars will attest to something about that. And that may very well be what immortal idea the obelisk represents. So, I don't want you to pen this poem's sole aspect on something that might, at least in aspect, prove untrue. Marble cheeks are never warm. JCH


This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-04-23 23:23:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Christopher, So nice to see new talent here, and "talent", shines through each verse of this poem. Comparison to the obelisk/man is a fresh idea - strength of the two - time & passage wearing at each - leaving us with the imagery you have created with written words. In each stanza - the comparison grows - i.e. - what you have said in your 2nd & 3rd verses. This is where the reader feels anticipation - wants to feel the thread of the piece and how it will end. The human element, stands out in this poem - mortality of man remembered. Your write is somber, and has a hard edge to it. Last verse pulls the poem together for this reader. Death will come, bones untended, shattered dreams - wailing their silent dirge - deep emotion of perhaps something left undone, or some sort of remorse comes to mind. Good job, thanks for posting this here. sincerely, Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-04-23 17:08:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Hi Christopher....this is a superb poem and one I have read several times. Years ago I wrote a poem about a light house and your poem reminds me of it. You have used a plethora of well chosen words that lend perfect images to the mind of this reader. I have tried to pick a favorite line or phrase but I cannot...it would do an injustice to the rest of the poem if I did! Indeed it is sad to think these stately structures will not always stand but it is true that there is an end to everything. "Soft-edged jagged bones will lie untended and forgotten"....such a sad thought. Your ending is amazing...it has just the right amount of melancholy to make it memorable...something all poets strive to do. Welcome to TPL...I hope you like it here and thanks for the opportunity to read your work. Best.....Marilyn
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