This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2007-06-01 14:00:12 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Silence earth mother folds
twilight in her
hands
painted insects brush
the sky
curtains of Queen Ann's
lace lift softly
in the wind
dragonfly skims
the darkened pond
silence faces
the night again
grandfather's village
is named for him
a tiny place
of grace and quiet
filters bird calls
through the hollows
of the hills
family cemetaries cling
to sides of wooded
mountains
waiting for one more
soul
to blend with twilight
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Copyright © June 2007 Jana Buck Hanks
Additional Notes:
As most of you know, I have been away for a couple of years. I have not written anything during that time either. The creative juices seems to be flowing again, but I dont seem to have the timing down yet. This piece needs help. I like what it says, I am not sure the intent comes across to the reader though. Suggestions appreciated. Bright Blessings Jana
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-07-07 11:50:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I truly enjoyed your descriptive poem..soft and lush in images and mood. your first and last stanza's bookend this piece and tuck your ideas inbetween. I love this part the most even though the subject sorrowful you have brought a subtle beauty to the act. "family cemetaries cling to sides of wooded mountains waiting for one more soul to blend with twilight."..this made me sigh softly with acceptance. I am glad you are writing again, we poets need to print our souls to paper. take care and thanks for sharing .......Nancy
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-07-04 07:07:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Welcome back Jana so very nice to find your work posted once again.........great beginning too...well written, words that bring forth images and feelings associated with life......and with death........thanks for posting, hope you are doing well........God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-06-28 22:51:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Jana,
I like this. I played with your spacing a bit.
Earth mother folds
twilight in[into] her hands
painted insects brush the sky [painted insects means what? Colorful? ]
curtains of Queen Ann's
lace lift softly
in the wind [nice visual]
dragonfly skims
the darkened pond
silence faces
the night again
grandfather's village
is named for him
a tiny place
of grace and quiet
filters bird calls
through the hollows
of the hills
family cemet[e]ries cling
to sides of wooded mountains
waiting for one more soul
to blend with twilight
I enjoyed the message.......we are all one with the earth. Silence can be a wonderful thing.
Almost holiness.
Good job
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-06-20 11:50:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jana, I was captivated by this piece. From the flowers of Queen Ann to the dragonfly, you set the pace for our adventure.
“Darkened Pond†and “night again†play well off of “cemeteries†and “twilight.
For me, you had only one weak stanza, S5. The theme is clear and it would be easily corrected. I see something like:
Through hollows
filtered bird calls
echo the hills
where family cemeteries
Anyway, that is what I read when I read your words. I hope the example was a help. Feel free if you like it.
In your last Stanza, which is powerful I’d make L3 “waiting one more soul†and then end with your fabulous last line.
Excellent piece- on my voting list.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-06-20 09:07:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Jana,
Glad to see you back I have also only started coming life has been so busy for me. Yes I do like this poem and your additional help me in reviewing it again. What I like most about it is the words you select, the breakdown of stanza's except for one that tends to throw this reader off between the first and third stanza's. Your structure is fine except for that same stanza and it maybe just appearance that causes this reader pause. Your first and last match in structure, the 3rd through 5th match also, but the 2nd dangles by itself. Another thought I get from the same stanza is that it is placed within two that talk about nature, this is also true of the 4th stanza.
I don't know if what I said makes sense but that is what I saw to a well written piece that is a joy to read for nature and life are the things I enjoy most and your description places me there.
Thanks for sharing hope to read more. Thomas
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-06-10 16:49:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Jana....I would not begin to tinker with this poem as it is lovely. Good images created by your pen with an easy and uninterupted flow. To me every strophe is well crafted with wonderful word choices that I find delicious. The only question I have is...'to sides of wooded mountains' when I read this line I wondered if you meant 'two' instead of 'to' sides of wooded mountains. I think it flows better and the meaning is more clear using 'two'....you must be the judge. Good poem that will be on my list this month.
Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-06-05 22:40:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Jana,
Welcome back!!!!! Wow, Can I tell you first, how I've missed seeing "Bright Blessings?" I always loved how you did that!
I've read your poem, and I don't think this poem, needs much work done to it at all. It's very, very good.
It's mystical, and sweet - and you've used some truly inspiring phrases to pull it all together.
You had my attention, with the first three lines, and then it just got better. Your structure, and imagery are very good - it flows down the page without hesitation.
Silence, you have really found a way - to describe it so perfectly.
Great job.
sincerely,
Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-06-04 19:07:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Namaste Jana,
This is what poetry for me is about, the images you've created verbally with ease, the mood, the layers and spirituality of this piece just sings to the spirit, one can almost breathe in the reverence this holds. Brava, no nits from this reader.
Peace, truth and harmony,
Lora
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