This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2007-06-01 14:40:40 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Bath

Candle light flickers shadows on the wall floral scented water fills the tub rose petals swirl 'round ankles deep water trickles softly down each limb ecstatic bath time love affaire cumulates in the warmth of Turkish terry delight

Copyright © June 2007 Jana Buck Hanks


This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-07-07 11:54:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
delightful read Jana..very sensual and I love the way you compare the experience with a "love affair"..also your last lines made me think of "turkish delight" the chocolates very dedicant indeed, and of course the warmth of Trukish terry towels..nice mix of sensations there.


This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-07-01 12:28:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Dear Jana, Quite an inviting picture here - sounds luxurious, an ultimate in relaxation which would be very nice. With limited word choices, you've managed to create this escape in a picture perfect way. I especially like the idea of rose petals - have never added those to my bath - maybe I should try that one of these days. No need to reach for the meaning of this poem, you've carefully structured this to be an easy read; title befits the content - in a simplistic way. I enjoyed this brief pause, from life - I could see this in embroidered fashion, framed - to compliment any bath anywhere. Good job. sincerely, Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-06-17 21:03:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Jana, I don't need a man if I've got all that! Bless hot water and bath salts... Very sensual nd satisfying. I feel refreshed. Short, sweet, and very clean. Most enjoyable, and stress removing. Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-06-15 08:57:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Should know the form of this poetry since the way you end it cumulates the event. Well written, smoothe reading, and great climax. Enjoy bathing with the candle light flickering, watching the shadows on the wall bringing the reader into the piece. Again well done. Thanks for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-06-12 15:39:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Jana First, the business at hand!! Second to last line I believe you wanted to use “culminates” and your spell checker deceived you. Cumulates works after a fashion, but without the Turkish delight!! To begin with the title- the immediate image, vision, however one wishes to characterize it, that comes from a woman writing a poem about the bath; lays down the red carpet before royalty- prepares the way- sends the mind wandering to peek through parted shades- excellent title. You set us in the atmosphere of enjoyment- “candles lighted” , “flickers” (flickers in itself is such a sensual word), “shadows on the wall”- and we are set for a beautiful setting as much for a voyeurs delight. “Floral scented water” prepares us for “rose petals”, and set the moment with “ankles deep”. The scene is one every woman wants to be in, and every man wishes he could watch. Quite beguiling. Adding action, “water trickles down each limb” without being obtuse, you accent the woman’s form and the sweetness of being completely naked- teasing the reader and /or yourself. “ecstatic bath time” – were it me I’d replace ecstatic with a word more attune with the gendre of the verse, ecstatic works but I think you could find a “better” word for that placing. (rapturous, exotic, blissful, sensual, something more personal) Lastly you leave us with the terry robe, and once again the images are pure and sensual. I believe you have written a near perfect verse.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-06-05 21:07:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Jana, Now this one I can get into, yummy, yes--bath time should be a special time, almost spiritual and sensual. Might suggest a bit of punctuation to help the read so it isn't one line running into the next. Very enjoyable both in read and images presented...now I shall retire to "Turish terry delight". Best always, Lora
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