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Voyage I travel the Nile, while drifting with Crocks tackle the Amazon, with Piranha’s and rocks Walk through the desert to find an Oasis scale up the mountain that conceals many faces. Sail past the Sirens that beckon me here whether the storms with hardly a fear Venturing on, destiny in stride journey on forward, this treacherous ride. Approaching the end, sunlight appears let go of resentment, shedding no tears Follow the path, without knowing an end take up the challenge, then turn at the bend Persistence… |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2007-07-07 22:07:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Thomas,
How are you? It gives me much pleasure to be able to critique a poem of yours after a very very long time.
Your poem speaks universally while highlighting a personal journey of persistence. I can relate to the journey and your words give me much hope that mine, like yours, will end in the sunshine.
Imagery is vivid and used effectively to conjure up a feeling of struggle and danger. Crocodiles and Piranhas's are two of some of the most feared sea creatures and can perform 'flesh-stripping' to prefection, deserts and mountains have always been some of the most geographical barriers and have often stopped man in his tracks, storms are legendary in the 'disaster-birthing' categories and all of the above symbolically relate to personal travails.
Very well done rhyme scheme - slant and this keeps it from seeming too forced.
Ending your piece with 'persistence' gives this piece a punch-line ...defiance in the face of adversity.
Nice job !!
Duane.