This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-06-13 11:00:09 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Reflection Charcoal dark clouds approach
preparing their relentless outburst
unyielding rain will soon replace
the solid brown turf beneath these feet
Lighted signs offer a recluse
to hide away the fear
brightened lives inside
concealing the tears
Yet motivation lost
nothing to gain
lack any feeling
no sense of pain
Stationary watching
red lights and green
no movement forward
unable to sing
Voice lost its passion
can’t make a sound
unable to hear
craft a ghost town
Now drenched with a deluge
thoughts soon, will get clear
Enter cantina
then go through a mirror
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Copyright © June 2007 Thomas H. Smihula
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-07-05 07:30:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
good morning poet; nice write , metaphors allowing each reader to go where they want with this one for each one's mind has different hiding places; I have my own as I am sure you have yours. Red lights and green brings forth images of my little grandson as we are stopped in traffic. As soon as the green light comes on he yells .....GO......like sitting still was long enough.......thanks for posting, will check this one out on the voting list for sure......God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-07-02 16:09:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78571
Thomas,
I feel like I was right with you in my thought.
At times we all feel that nothingness/emptiness.
And we enter the cantina/and slip away into the land of getting away.
I think at times it is difficult to face the gray of days, the ups and downs.
But it is possable to gain from either.
I think this 'boredom' drives people to drugs or drink.
We can't always be thrilled with living.
I think your poem shows the down side clearly.
Good wording/drenched/drenched/unyielding/relentless
Going through the mirror was very thoughtful.
Good job!
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-06-15 12:17:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thomas,
Nice introspective write, your metophors leads the reader deep inside the complexities of the mind while in the end each person has to come to their own conclusions, nothing lost, nothing gained; who will dare to look into the mirror. Well done, kudos. Most enjoyable--not nits nor suggestions.
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-06-13 16:52:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
A highly interesting poem that uses the parallelism of mood and circumstance
to create full circle the beginning with the end. Multi-dimensional, this device
enhances the oddity of never feeling more alone than in a crowd. The euphemism
made of rain, coming to, "...drenched with a deluge" places the reader squarely
in the drama, "craft(ing?) a ghost town" and hearkens well the Victorians' belief
that another dimension does lie "through a mirror".
"Enter cantina/then go through a mirror" observes a gifted rhyme scheme whose
originality is impressive.
A successful poem that can touch its reader hauntingly.
JCH
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