This Poem was Submitted By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2007-06-20 10:36:34 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Ten Moths We hovered like moths
in the night
Tending the candle
We dared not plunge
into the flame
But oh! How we loved that light
Look how it shines on us!
Magnificent
and bright
Now we flutter
in confusion
searching for purpose
Ten moths
with questioning eyes
looking for a flame
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Copyright © June 2007 Kenneth R. Patton
Additional Notes:
I found a typo in the first one, sorry.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-07-05 15:07:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95455
Ken,
This is simply beautiful in both the eloquent simplicity with which you've written it and in thought. Each phrase turned leaves the reader with deep emotions, and in the end; the confusion, how does one cope with absence. Your poem struck me as hopefull yet sad and I found myself drawn to it like your moths to the flame. I find no nits with your offerring, it is superb.
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-07-03 10:36:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Kenneth,
What I liked about this poem was the delivery and the different takes one could get from reading it.
One thought I had was it was ten children growing up, another was worshipers trying to find the light, and yet another possibility thoughts guided by light that then vanish as the light is overabundant and they are gone when reaching there maximum height.
The format kept the reader moving across the page. Well done.
Thanks for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-07-02 15:35:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Hi Ken.....I regret not finding this one prior to your changing the typo but my computer has been down......I might add I am allowing my spirit to lead me in this as I may be way off base and if so please excuse me..........I do believe though that you, your brothers and sisters represent the moths and your mother is the light you are all seeking at this time...........I know the presentation reminds me of my own mom and how she was the bright light in our family and how lost and alone I have been since she left for God's Heavenly Garden............what can I say.......I am sure though that your mom is watching over all of her children and grandchildren with such love and pride. Thanks for posting and sharing these emotions with us. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-06-26 16:53:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Kenneth,
This reminds me of people hunting for joy. Finding it in the spiritual essence of life.
When found we hover around that energy, like a life line. Always asking what is the reason for it
all?
I don't know why 10 moths? Tell me.
Intresting, thought filled poem.....
dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-06-20 16:20:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Hi Ken....I do believe you have written this poem about your mom. Ten of you hovering in her light and now that light has dimmed....it is not extinguished but has just dimmed. It is only natural that you must wonder what a world will be like without her...you have never known such a world until now. You have written this with emotion and the confusion you feel at her leaving is only natural and will turn in to beautiful memories. I do believe this is poem is the most beautiful poem you have written about her. I hope you let your siblings read it, as well. Just wonderful...brava.
My best...Marilyn
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