This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-07-03 10:05:01 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Grave It is here, that I stare at a clock
no movement, time has stopped
the surroundings continue to age
paying little attention to seconds
that never move forward
From behind it sheltered covering.
My focus to relish within the moment
before it is lost on the inevitable
those situations that I will never control
or have input too
for my abilities are diminishing as this body
Moves into the next dimension of time
Thoughts are on how things have been
not on those that will follow
there will be no guarantee that they will remain
as the body lingers on
for speech will become silent.
Moments slip through a crevasse,
never to be captured again
for only this mind
was able to retain them
but will soon
Lose its direction
Home……
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Copyright © July 2007 Thomas H. Smihula
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-08-07 20:54:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thomas,
Unusual write, however such an explicit peace on how one ponders mortality and yes, the end goal to be called home-- the safe haven/nest where all things are good again; without want or shame. Very enjoyable read, would not change a thing.
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-08-05 12:39:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thomas, the form matches well the verse. It is “rock†solid and enhances your fine verse. Usually a form is just there- (at least to me) but in this case it becomes integral to the verse- Like headstones- or barriers to the other side. Well done.
I considered this entire verse, of passing on, if you will, is a tribute to Alzheimer’s disease, or such- as much as it is overtly looking at the lost spirit- whether of true passing; or symbolic loss of love and hope.
Your title “Grave†symbolizes so much that it immediately opens a well crafted poem to speculation and comparative analysis. Grave- “final resting place†“sepulcher†“failure†“end of a cycle†“metamorphosisâ€, and many more.
Your first line “that I stare at a clock†immediately grants the reader a dualism- that of life watching the absence of one passed; of the passing- before the actual loss of life; and in this contradiction most can find the moment to reflect.
For me after “no movement, time has stopped†– it shot me back many years to my Pastors first sermon after his son was killed- the key line throughout the sermon was him watching the clock- brokenhearted and saying to himself (ten minutes into eternity without God)- another story-
Throughout you keep a steady cadence until you pull the string on your verse:
“Moments slip through a crevasse,
never to be captured again†– with resolve you link the last of the verse to the first- and personalize the event. There can’t be a more poignant look at the event than “never to be captured againâ€- and I believed we were there. Till the end…
You make us believe;
“ for only this mind
was able to retain them
but will soon
Lose its direction
Home……†– an in this personal vision; the event becomes dualistic again, or even trifold- as watchers speak, doers search, and time remains the back drop; altered by each. Also- you did not define home; in that you let the reader take from your verse the personal as much as the literal.
Excellent piece!! Very much so.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul H. Roefs On Date: 2007-08-04 14:23:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thomas,
I like your poem and the way you wrote it. The read is smooth and you draw the reader into
the beat of the finality of death and its consequences. I like the line, " Move into the next
dimension of time." I would like you to read my poem, TICK, TOCK, TICK.." Thanks for a good read, Paul
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-07-23 07:57:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Life is indeed a journey we travel every day Thomas........and the roads we take bring us in many directions. There is no denying though that they all lead to the same place which you have penned so well...........Home.........there should be no fear in death for it is the closing of one door and the opening of yet another and our journey continues on. Thanks for posting, well written, images continue to flow throughout. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-07-18 18:00:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thomas,
I can't say a poem about going to my grave is anything I'm thrilled or uplifted
about reading. But I did for you!
I'm not looking forward to disintergrating away with oldness and I have no intentions of
silently slipping 'home'?
I've heard 'let him go home to Jesus' enough to want to puke.
Anyway your words are fine, I just don't appreciate the subject!
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-07-09 10:15:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
To the astute the duration of a life loses to the surreal as one comes to
deal with decline. Your poem captures this aspect and of how time seems to
speed up in order to catch inevitable outcome.
That you leave room for something afterward (Home.....) is a glimpse into
that, "next dimension of time" and into broader perspective than either
religiosity or nehilist denial can make.
Tactfully you stop at that, playing on none of the worn-out chords so many
do. The sense of nothing stoic or tragic about it all furthers the depth
of the poem and a greater appreciation of its capture of the reader.
After all, we may be, as sentients, like universes forming...with no
beginning, no end. Quite possibly meant to have no serial memory from
one life to the next for good reason.
Something perhaps the poet could learn about despairing redundance and
how one might go about avoiding it best.
In leading your reader beyond any true believer's assurances you have indeed
well represented a depth reflecting transcendence and some penetration into
other worldly dimension. You poem thus becomes as organic as your vision
of the "process".
Well done.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-07-09 10:01:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is quite a journey you take the reader on..even though trying to put importance on what is going on in the now, it can't help up overflow into the future..what perhaps is to come, one can never really predict with much accuracy..this has the overlay of meloncoly and sadness for "the life" that is going to slip away and loose direction as you put it...that is my biggest fear, to loose my minds ability to "know" to remain clear and in control of at least the true part of what makes me, me. The body will fail , yes..but to me the mind is the "life" and when that go, if it does, then one is really lost and can't find their way home as far as the earthly home is concerned. I am not a religious person, and consider myself more spiritual..I hope that after that last breath, I will indeed find the place (home) whatever and in what form that is..
thanks for sharing this piece. I like how you used the shape of your stanza's to represent slipping..or at least it did that for me, not sure it was intentional?
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-07-08 15:27:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Thomas.....this piece is almost too sad to read even though I have done so more than once. I hope you are okay as these words speak of death and gloom, however it is superbly written. I notice that some of the end lines do not have periods before a new thought begins. It is almost like you decided not to end the thought with a final period as it might make the ending come too soon. Even though this is written like a final goodbye, of sorts, it is stunning and captured me from the first line. Or perhaps you puts caps on the last lines of the first two strophs to make more of an impact...if that is the case it is effective.
An excellent poem with overtones that are too dire to think about.
Marilyn
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