This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-07-05 12:15:04 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Change The world tapestry
defined weather conditions
upon the horizon |
|
Copyright © July 2007 Thomas H. Smihula
Additional Notes:
A Haiku to represent the world's rich, varied, and intricately interwoven design by natures atmosphere approaching us, as we look past the place we currently stand.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-08-05 14:21:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thomas, this form- without the impropriety of unedited free verse- brings in the candidness of that form
“The world’s tapestry†– without going beyond that line- automatically implicates the life, the weather, the beauty, the order of magnitudes associated. It is a wide spectral view of earth- both animate and inanimate.
“defined weather conditions†– with this verse- and its breadth- with the enormity that we don’t yet know or control about weather- I looked for a word that allows for the vastness of your first line- a word; peculiar or unpredictable or even recognized- even though knowing the weather in retrospect; the content of that weather almost always is understated by our actual understanding. defined is a very specific word that requires absolute knowledge.
“upon the horizon†– here your verse meets again you first line. Can it be the horizon of man on the earth, life on the earth, storms heard or seen far distant- so many metaphors you again grant us the propriety of both the beauty and the danger of this world.
A piece that makes one think of where we are, now and later.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-08-03 14:37:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thomas,
Nicely done, although you speak of nature this could actually portend of political climates also...both thoughts would hold true. So much said in so few words, great for stirring the embers of the mind.
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul H. Roefs On Date: 2007-07-27 20:54:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is both appropriate for our times an very succinctly written. This Haiku is one to remember.
Paul
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2007-07-20 10:58:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
this is an original topic. i see haiku as the description of the snapshot of an image. you only have 17 syllables to tell everything important about the subject. i challenge you to remove the "the's" from future works and explore more challenging, descriptive words to use. i love writing haiku and experimenting with other forms as well. ever tried senyru?
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-07-18 15:09:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
An ambitious result for such word economy and a stark departure
for the usual Japanese genre. One in which a flower petal can
be adopted significance beyond belief.
Viewed from space the earth indeed has the verdant "tapestry"
to which you allude. Alive, organic in all respects, the weather
merely its breath.
Looking for more, instead of sublimating less, your poem is
vastly preferable to its oriental counterpart.
You've struck new ground.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-07-11 16:11:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Thomas....haiku can be such a challenge as there are so few syllables allowed to say much. You have accomplished this here. I love the notion if the world owning tapestry and you have used that thought well. This haiku makes perfect sense not like some I have read that you have to study to understand. I am partial to cinquain poetry, however I do write haiku and acrostic on occasion. All terse poetry forms can really be a mind bender. Some might think a poet just sits down with pen in hand and creates these gems with a flourish of pen and ink, but we both know that doesn't happen. It takes a lot of thought and time to get them just right. Well done!
Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-07-08 15:11:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
ahh..the haiku, I haven't written one in so long..I like the scope of this and a very important issue at hand with global warming etc..and finally some realizing the seriousness of it.."upon the horizon"..I wonder what will be there, or what we as a human race can see clear enough to mend in that "tapestry"..nice job Thomas. (: Nancy
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-07-05 16:18:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
and how that tapestry changes within seconds of an approaching storm. Nicely presented Haiku my friend. Hope your holiday was special. God Bless, Claire
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