This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-07-05 22:24:40 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Through The Woods I trek through the forest
The mountain shows its force
Beneath me the trail pulls down
Though earth slants to upward
I place one heavy boot in front
Of my other heavier boot
And move on the path slowly
My load seems arduous
None can give me assistance
It's my journey of discovery
The things I behold and interpret
Change my mindset as I climb
Alone, accountable to myself
The pressure to perform for others
Dissolves away like the nonsense
That's driven me, far too long
|
|
Copyright © July 2007 Dellena Rovito
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-08-05 18:10:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, my first approach to a new read is to try and find- within the first time through, where the person is at; as the moment is scribed.
What I decided here is finding courage when nobody else would find the wealth. There are “heavy boots†“loads (arduous)†no assistance, “pressure to perform†and then you grant us the view of your spirit with “trek through the forestâ€, (metaphor for forest does not go unnoticed) “earth slants upwardâ€, “journey of discoveryâ€, “I behold and interpretâ€, “dissolves awayâ€, and the point of it all “nonsense that has driven... far too longâ€.
Long ago I was the leader of a quartet of singers- and the first song I had us sing was a song I always sang for comfort- (my arrangement was a bit different; but the melody rang clear)
Jesus walked that lonesome valley,
he had to walk it by himself,
nobody else could walk it for him
he had to walk it by himself.
Your verse is not exactly that, but I’ll share a secret; at times when I am by myself, I still get out my guitar and sing that arrangement. Your verse, like that song, makes me feel better.
Thank you much.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul H. Roefs On Date: 2007-07-29 12:32:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena,
I'm not so confident of the meaning of you poem. I will put my foot forward. Life is meant for us to explore and the task is never easy, but we do our best and continue on the journey. The course we chose places demands we often want to chance. However, we reach deep within ourselves perfoming the duties often required of us. I like your poem very much meter and rhyme is great. LOL, Paul
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-07-12 22:56:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Dellena,
What a striking poem. This piece holds dramatic insight; and a teaching lesson of life. The journey is yours, alone and as you go you realize that you should place less importance on the opinion of others. It's so true that we feel we need to conform to certain standards and yes "actually" perform to have their approvals.
Each of your verses; allows the poem enfold in an even manner. Your direct and comprehensive in everything you are saying. Imagery is very clear - one can see the boot lifting; almost feel like I'm there with you slowly moving up the path with you.
I think this piece is very good. Very enjoyable read.
sincerely,
Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-07-08 19:13:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
And is it not wonderful to be set free? Nice read, good word flow, plenty to see, feel, deal with and you seem to have come through it all so very well............I have often walked that walk and sometimes I do find myself falling backward as one might say.............hope all is well, you are so very talented my friend. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-07-08 18:32:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena,
Very nice images and feel with this. However a small suggestion just in MHO, some punctuation would help with the reading and not capitalizing the beginning of each line; although I know that word will do that automatically if you you allow it too. Your premis and disclosure are heart felt and clear while your verbiage is most enjoyable. Thanks for a pleasant read.
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-07-08 15:18:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
You have created through your word choices and description in the first stanza a heaviness that heads on into your second stanza and your state of mind as you climb "The mountain shows its force
Beneath me the trail pulls down
Though earth slants to upward" one can feel you are being pulled both ways emotionally...It is your journey and yours to interpret and work through as your mindset changes with the release of stress and the others the contribute to that in your everyday trials. It is hard to "perform" for others...and to be really and truly happy one has to be true to oneself, but that is not always possible. I like the way you have worked through from "heavy forboding" to a pleasant hike through the woods at the end of this.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-07-06 08:02:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena,
Love how you make it both a physical and mental picture in the first stanza. The force is strong and the trek a difficult one. In the second stanza I feel each step gets more difficult as you venture on. Yes only we know the direction and the steps we will take yet is it known or by chance? Complete thought given where you show focus needs to be on oneself.
This was a well presented poem that is very well structured although still freeform.
Well done and and enjoyment to read. Thanks for sharing. Thomas
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!