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This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-07-30 14:41:23 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Criss-Cross

They get in to their secured vehicles, every day. He, from his room Little he from his. Then they drive straight for me. Although Iâ€™m able to dodge some of it, Most of it hits me, knocks me down senseless. The release comes in waves of tears through broken dreams, a beautiful song And a prayer for financial means, to escape. I know what intimidation feels like. I know what hostile means. I know the scour in their eyes, the displeasure of my sight, yet after all this time it still doesnâ€™t feel right - to me - or anyone around me looking in. My blood flows through one - the other My incompetence of seeing the real person Till itâ€™s too late. I scrape at the crumbs they drop and commit myself To â€œMotherâ€ them both for now, but the pot is boiling, The rain has not cleared the way So Iâ€™ll just keep On writing, to get rid of what I have to say.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-08-07 09:57:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
DeniMari, What hurt held within, what sadness is felt, what being taken for granted is all about for some. These are just a few of the feelings you have given the reader. To release on paper is still holding the feeling within for it only releases a moment about the things being felt. This was a sad poem to read but it is what poetry is all about. Well done in expressing yourself. Thanks for sharing, Thomas

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2007-08-04 23:54:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Hi DeniMari, This sounds like a piece from deep within...very personal and one that stirs the emotions of life as you know it. While there is nothing outwardly extravagant in the imagery or fancy in the choice of words, the power of this write rests in its strong unhindered emotional flow and depth of feeling.....i read this more than once...it is spirited and is energetic (as far as matters of the heart are concerned....it is food for introspection...Poetry should not always be judged based on it's flash...but its feeling and this one had a great amount of it...On my list. Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-08-01 17:09:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81250
Hi Deni....why is it we always end up hurting the ones we most cherish and need? Your words are so poignant even though melancholy they resonante the truth. I remember feeling like this a time or two in my life. it seems the mother/wife is the one the whole family looks to and the first one to be blamed weather she deserves it or not. You have written this so well....alluding to but not writing out the deep emotion and sadness you feel. It is good that you write when feelings of frustration besiege you....it has always worked well for me and it will for you, as well. Criss-Cross....a perfect title for a perfectly crafted and executed poem....brava and red roses. I hope your sister is resting comfortably...I am praying for you both. Blessings....Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-08-01 10:39:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89474
wow! you have hit this right on target. and an excellent Title for this subject "Criss Cross". I know exactly what this feels like..you are the bullseye. hit and miss from verbal weapontry. I like yours use of the thought of them getting into their secured (good word for it) vechiles, and then driving straight for you..this IS how it feels.."The release comes in waves of tears through broken dreams, a beautiful song And a prayer for financial means, to escape." I remember being in that wave, of broken dreams, lulling myself with sweet music, but thinking how it doesn't ring true for me, no romance in my world..the dream broken..and yes the wanted for financial means..This causes such a feeling of not being appreciated, cared about, loved...a dumping ground for family to throw all there contempt and hostility..they purge, you fill up...and yes you do feel like "a mother to both, but the pot is boiling"..I especially love the power of your last descriptive stanza..the rain has not cleared the way" oh do I relate to this. I was in a 9 year marriage of sorts..not even sure I woujld clasify it as such, anyway..day after day nothing seems to get washed away..and yes, that is part of the reason that I myself write today.."to get rid of what I have to say"..only now my throughts run clearer.. Thanks so much for writing this piece..it really rang true for me and reminded me where I do not want to be..

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-07-31 22:38:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
DeniMari, I can only speak to what I feel is the meaning in this poem and excuse me if I'm wrong. I think what your saying is your husband and son are giving you a hard time! Then they drive straight for me. Although Iâ€™m able to dodge some of it, Most of it hits me, knocks me down senseless. I feel your sorrow of lost dreams. It sounds like your in hell. You feel you must get away! I think all of us at one time or another want to run away, but what is funny is the problems come with us. A new way of thinking needs to happen. 1.realizing your worth! [faults and all] 2. treating yourself with kindness and respect [you know how hard you try...] 3 dont't stand for others to disrespect you! 4.once you value yuourself others will also! [automatically] 5. keep writing and work your feelings out. 6.things will improve [I promise] Writing is a wonderful way to work on our emotions. I find this poem sad and yet hopeful of expression. I'll pray for your sister also. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-07-31 18:36:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76190
venting is good for the soul poet and you certainly have completed that within these lines. My heart breaks for you.........your word flow brings forth many images....to me the image of your mate and the image of the little man in your life.....the pain and torment you go through not knowing at times which way to turn in order to escape one.......my prayers are with you........perhaps you will vent more so we will know how you are doing. God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-07-31 03:32:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
DeniMari, How sad and tender is this offering, it pulls at the heart strings, especially being a mother. It left this reader choked up with emotion and at a loss for words. Your words are poignantly truthful in matters of life and the events it can encompass. I enjoyed this easily read poem...even though I had to reach for the box of tissue. Best always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-07-30 21:56:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni- there is a wound and happening of truth in the piece. I can state, of my own- that that moment of lesser success eats at me far more than the successes. Tears, are a cleansing. For me, in reflection of your piece, were there nothing to strive for, I would be more lost than if sainthood awaited around the corner. Pinnacles are for the climb. I was quite move by the candid feel and revelations in this piece. At times it is a rarity. Thank you for sharing.

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