This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-08-10 09:22:01 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Memories In a moment, time past so quickly,
yet time had not passed at all
For memories will forever linger
There was the soft, ever so gentle voice,
yet not a word would be spoken
For memories will forever linger
The smile, so vibrant and full of life,
yet stillness has taken this form
For memories will forever linger
There was a peacemaker within this being,
yet peace has finally come with silence
For memories will forever linger
What made this child of twelve,
who was so much fun
Reach for the bullet,
that she put in the gun
For memories will forever linger
Now time has passed,
ten years gone
Thoughts still hold,
and play a song
'For memories linger on....'
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Copyright © August 2007 Thomas H. Smihula
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2007-08-14 01:13:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Thomas,
A very intense poem for one to read and take in totally. I have read this poem many times and have come up with many metaphors, yet it could be the actuality that it expresses. The memories from this could be so traumatic that they have to remain as memories. The fact that you use the work “linger†at the end make me wonder if this is not a true story/poem, rather than fictional. Since I have gone through much trauma, I suppose I take poetry more literally that many I love the expressions you have painted, the smile yet stillness, the peacemaker but with silence, the child of twelve that was of so much fun yet possibly was treated so inhumanly, couldn’t take the “fun†any longer, and solidified the problem that was taking away from her fun. I don’t know how the ten years have passed and where she is, but from my experience, I believe if she was loved and helped from her family and loved ones, she is now leading a full life. A very powerful poem, one that leaves you to wonder what is happening to this being at this time, and a poem I treasure. I wish I knew more.
Very well written,
Debbie
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-08-12 06:31:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
In the first line, use the "passed" form as you do in
the second. This really sets the read off badly.
Although the verse carries an highly elevated understanding,
that the sense of time suspends (or can) with intensely
lingering memories, the mistake over-shadows it.
I like the refrain and its slight modification for the
ending. Lyrical and mindful of the best traditions in
classical poetry, it produces a time-honored effect.
"yet stillness has taken this form" is further unifying
as it reflects on that suspension. The effect is to
project the difference of something just halting and
something frozen in time.
The play-in-words between peacemaker and peace in the next
verse creates further depth by an almost subliminal appeal
in apprehension of what is coming next. Almost everyone
is familiar (and has stored in the back of the mind) the
mockery of naming the first successful cylinder repeating
pistol, the Colt Peacemaker. Now it has become an aberrant
excuse "allowing" for warmakers to cloak themselves as
ultimate "peacemakers" (well yes, I guess if you kill someone
you give them peace.)
Granting you able to create literature, the following verse
has to have meaning...the only detectable is tragic consequence.
Gun accident? You might be a little more telling on that score.
Now for your last verse and the superlative lines it holds, ones
I like very much: "Now time has passed,/ten years gone/Thoughts
still hold,/and play a song"
Bring the rest up to that standard and you have a postive winner.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-08-12 00:42:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wow Thomas! Is this a true story? This reminds me of how a movie would end. Your ending has a bold effect on the reader, which makes for great poetry. You have a talent, for sure.
Rene'
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-08-10 15:48:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Tom .....what horrors these memories hold and allow to linger; the images presented the innocence of a child yet the curiosity perhaps that brought stillness to her life......how very sad indeed......though ten years may have passed I am certain the feelings still clinging are like yesterday and I am so very sorry for your loss. A most difficult piece to write let alone share........thank you, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-08-10 10:30:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thomas,
I really liked this poem, it is a fine tribute. However, IMHO, I would not end each stanza with: For memories will forever linger; it is too much--sort of over kill (excuse the expression). Keep that line after your first stanza and after the last stanza; in that way it makes a profound powerful impact that is not lost and aids in a smoother read. Mind you this is just my opinion...it is a wonderful poem and a story that needs be told.
Best always,
Lora
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