This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-08-13 17:33:31 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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What Lies Ahead?

Soon another human being will soon depart. Reaching a point in existence, where those ups and downs, eventually have evened with calm. Tranquility is one’s friend, allowing the body to hide from view. Common phrases become: “Pease go away”, then followed by â€˜Nobody visits me”. The wonder within is  Who will visit next? Will it be feline awaiting souls? Pawing to snatch, hoping to place it into its collection. Perhaps it’s a figure passing the window, tools in hand that represent his trade. Hoping that the door is opened, welcoming him inside to do his handiwork. Conceivably the angelic host, bringing forth a singing chorus, as one moves onward, to the stairs of the Grand Terrance entrance I know now that;  as this generation moves on, the next cycle will contain my spirit. Will I enter a kingdom for lost souls? Or will the last lungful of air, be sucked out leaving barrenness. Possibly it will include a walk to the gated entrance, only time will tell. The seconds, the moments move forward... Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock

Copyright © August 2007 Thomas H. Smihula

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-08-30 21:10:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
Strike the redundant "soon"; in no way is it needed and it labors the read of your otherwise typically flowing style. "Tranquility is (indeed) one's friend" that is, if, like you, one is (as your poem,) introspective rather than self-absorbed. There are, I've noticed, a few of those self-absorbed submissions this month. I hope those poets are not lingering long in that misbegotten landscape. It is depressing to see them indulge that failing, making of their Muse something less than purposeful. I find your work a gratifying relief, no self-loathing here. Now just what is a "Grand Terrance entrance"? Do you mean terrace? If so, what is that? Still. If you hadn't carried the illusion, "feline awaiting souls" to the explication, "Pawing to snatch, hoping to place into its collection" I'd be on you for that, too. Now that, "Pease go away" is just a typo, I know and I'll stop at that. Thomas, you have a gift. Adopt a little more the perfectionist aspect and you will be vastly more successful with it. I can see the imagery and even the vision behind your building it. That's wonderful. That's 90% of the thing. Now a little tidy work (I'll bet you don't even know how to make a bed) and you're there. I will be a real harpey the next time you leave grease on the plate. JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-08-20 17:26:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Thomas...this poem certainly puts one in touch with their own mortality! You have poetically posed some questions that I believe most of us have thought about...and some are afraid to verbalize. I remember when Arnie Watchman began to write poetry about death and he did so want to know if heaven existed...he was haunted by those thoughts. When he passed away I thought maybe he knew his clock was ticking. You write about the lonliness of old age and how some welcome, even a handy man, just to have another human in the house. I have a friend who does that already. She is a widow but seems to be quite needy, more than most I think. This is a well crafted poem that shows us what to see without telling us. Your seventh strophe is a good example of how showing and not telling works. Somewhat difficult but worth it in the long haul. Wonderful poem that should place very high this month....brava Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-08-20 02:46:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thomas, You write a very well thought out piece here. Conceivably the angelic host, bringing forth a singing chorus, as one moves onward, to the stairs of the Grand Terrance entrance.......this is so breathtaking! Your imagery paints a picture. I look forward to reading more of your work. Rene'
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-08-14 07:01:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
What Lies Ahead? Good question poet and for those who believe in life after death there is much to be seen, felt, enjoyed, shared, there is no pain, nor suffering as you are held within the loving arms of God.......Right now I am spending time with my mother in law as her journey seems to be coming to an end; she is 88 years young and loved life to the fullest..........I sit and watch her breathing which is coming slower and deeper with each passing breath; I watch as she finds no comfort in the pain meds they are pumping into her; I watch as she springs her eyes open and extends her hands out to whoever she sees, she speaks softly and shakes her head........your work seems to be right on with your words, the flow of them, the images you have created, the feelings held within.......she is not afraid and last night we read some psalms......when she was able to she would take her bible to bed with her and read till her eyes closed tight so she is no stranger to her faith.....I am sure that when her time comes to fly her spirit will soar heavenly and she will be welcomed into those pearly white gates with love by many who have gone on before her. For today I shall go sit with her, put on the plastic gloves and hold her hand, I will talk to her of days gone by for she so loves that........and of course I shall send a prayer or two to God for her well being. I pray you are well Tom; we are all getting older with each passing day and the years tend to go faster the older we become. I appreciate your thoughts on this subject too for they do bring forth much to think about for some who refuse to even try to go there. Take good care now, God Bless, Claire
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