This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-09-05 09:48:51 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Crescendo
I.
the trio
stepped onto
an intimate spot-lit stage
smoke
cobwebbed the
dusky barroom
a tobacco mosaic
stained with the tang of cognac kisses
steeped in Drambuie dreams
from bronzed whiskey shadows
of candlelit coves
she emerges
II.
he saw her movement
an impetuous impromptu
ginger waves swinging
in reckless abandon
her body
making love to the music
as he played
swaying on the dance floor
sultry
like plume grass bending
in the balmy breeze of
a hot Louisiana night
the pizzicato of his guitar
persuading pleading
as if his arm were thrown
over the cantabile curve of her body
strumming the strings of her thighs
III.
he noticed her, too
her sonatina smile
the legato of her legs
seductively alluring
as the blues beat
of his drums
her midpoint
heaving surging
undulating
to a persistent pulse of cymbals
and a brush gently slapping
against skin
a long-distance lap dance
creating intense vibrato
that shudders his very bones
IV.
her eyes
finally met his
flaunting
a melancholy melody
dancing in the emerald chorus
of her eyes
his woodwind
moaning crooning crying
pressing his tongue against the reed
as though she were sitting on the lip plate
while his fingers danced over compliant keys
tuning her slide and tension
into a tremolo
aching with the thirsting rhythm of hunger
in ligature
with the staccato stammer
of his state of mind
V.
they stood
paralyzed
as she turned
and sauntered leisurely
toward the stage
resting both elbows
on the edge
revealing
a valley of decision
then
slowly
deliberately
reaching out
she took his instrument
~ ever so gently ~
into her hands.....
~ |
|
Copyright © September 2007 Mary J Coffman
Additional Notes:
She showed me a picture, and 'dared' me! LOL! Inspired by ~ "Three Musicians" by Pablo Picasso
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul H. Roefs On Date: 2007-10-04 04:59:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Mary
I really enjoyed every word, phase, metaphor and the great imagery here. Your excellent
use of alliteration adds to the smooth read and to the enjoyment. I am an artist and ex-jazz
musician and I am still a lover of jazz among other music. Your have paint with your words honor to Pablo Picasso Painting , The Three Musicians," added my pleasure. Thank you for a extremely well written poem and a great poem. Best you, Paul; a.k.a. Don Pablo
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-09-18 06:42:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Well, that's were all similarity ends, even with Picasso. Your poem is an
exquisite leap forward as an expression of your gifts as a poet. I want
only one thing considered, would it be better not to betray the subtlety
you've sustained so long with the choice of the word, "instrument"?
All else about this wonderful poem is a reflection of the warm flowing
of sensual vibrance it reflects. "Instrument" is too abrupt, too commonly
referred in reference to male genitalia. Not-with-standing the musical and
all.
I like everything else, from "dancing in the emerald chorus/of her eyes"
to, "the legato of her legs"...damn good. Best however, is the way you
sustain imagery stanza/verse to stanza/verse.
You and Mark Sheffer are my favorites this month, with Lora not far behind.
All three offering the best of what I've seen each do.
Delights me more than my cuckles can bear.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-09-10 17:30:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
WOW WOW amd WOW once again.........what a read.......never lost interest as the words burst forth one after another, taking us to one scene after another.........you could hear the music playing, you could feel the body moving, you could see and feel the electricity in the air along with the smoke and smells of the room. Indeed, a creation filled with so much promise and I just loved the ending................showed you a picture she did and you created another masterpiece. Thanks for posting, for sharing with us your God given talent and ability to piece it all together so elegantly. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-09-08 03:07:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary,
This I definitely love....what more can I say. It hits home with me, the blues/jazz clubs, muscians but most of all the seductive notes and the coaxing of the music beyond the ear...the kind that lives inside, crawls in like smoke and tantalizes the being...ah, you surely have been there. Thanks for a wonderful late night read...no nits here, wouldn't change a thing...
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-09-08 00:20:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
This was really good! I seriously mean it! I, however am not as literly intelligent as you display here. Yourformat is perfect with the write. And your ending is perfect! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!
Rene'
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