This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-09-05 09:48:51 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Crescendo

I. the trio   stepped onto an intimate spot-lit stage  smoke cobwebbed the         dusky barroom a tobacco mosaic     stained with the tang of cognac kisses steeped in Drambuie dreams from bronzed whiskey shadows of candlelit coves                 she emerges II.       he saw her movement               an impetuous impromptu     ginger waves swinging         in reckless abandon her body          making love to the music                     as he played swaying on the dance floor             sultry like plume grass bending       in the balmy breeze of           a hot Louisiana night the pizzicato of his guitar     persuading        pleading        as if his arm were thrown             over the cantabile curve of her body strumming the strings of her thighs III. he noticed her, too     her sonatina smile         the legato of her legs seductively alluring   as the blues beat                 of his drums her midpoint heaving    surging         undulating   to a persistent pulse of cymbals and a brush gently slapping                       against skin a long-distance lap dance   creating intense vibrato         that shudders his very bones IV. her eyes finally met his flaunting     a melancholy melody   dancing in the emerald chorus                         of her eyes his woodwind     moaning    crooning    crying pressing his tongue against the reed       as though she were sitting on the lip plate while his fingers danced over compliant keys                 tuning her slide and tension         into a tremolo aching with the thirsting rhythm of hunger         in ligature with the staccato stammer         of his state of mind V. they stood         paralyzed as she turned   and sauntered  leisurely                     toward the stage resting both elbows               on the edge revealing a valley of decision then slowly   deliberately           reaching out           she took his instrument                       ~ ever so gently ~               into her hands..... ~

Copyright © September 2007 Mary J Coffman

Additional Notes:
She showed me a picture, and 'dared' me! LOL! Inspired by ~ "Three Musicians" by Pablo Picasso


This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul H. Roefs On Date: 2007-10-04 04:59:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Mary I really enjoyed every word, phase, metaphor and the great imagery here. Your excellent use of alliteration adds to the smooth read and to the enjoyment. I am an artist and ex-jazz musician and I am still a lover of jazz among other music. Your have paint with your words honor to Pablo Picasso Painting , The Three Musicians," added my pleasure. Thank you for a extremely well written poem and a great poem. Best you, Paul; a.k.a. Don Pablo


This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-09-18 06:42:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Well, that's were all similarity ends, even with Picasso. Your poem is an exquisite leap forward as an expression of your gifts as a poet. I want only one thing considered, would it be better not to betray the subtlety you've sustained so long with the choice of the word, "instrument"? All else about this wonderful poem is a reflection of the warm flowing of sensual vibrance it reflects. "Instrument" is too abrupt, too commonly referred in reference to male genitalia. Not-with-standing the musical and all. I like everything else, from "dancing in the emerald chorus/of her eyes" to, "the legato of her legs"...damn good. Best however, is the way you sustain imagery stanza/verse to stanza/verse. You and Mark Sheffer are my favorites this month, with Lora not far behind. All three offering the best of what I've seen each do. Delights me more than my cuckles can bear. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-09-10 17:30:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
WOW WOW amd WOW once again.........what a read.......never lost interest as the words burst forth one after another, taking us to one scene after another.........you could hear the music playing, you could feel the body moving, you could see and feel the electricity in the air along with the smoke and smells of the room. Indeed, a creation filled with so much promise and I just loved the ending................showed you a picture she did and you created another masterpiece. Thanks for posting, for sharing with us your God given talent and ability to piece it all together so elegantly. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-09-08 03:07:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary, This I definitely love....what more can I say. It hits home with me, the blues/jazz clubs, muscians but most of all the seductive notes and the coaxing of the music beyond the ear...the kind that lives inside, crawls in like smoke and tantalizes the being...ah, you surely have been there. Thanks for a wonderful late night read...no nits here, wouldn't change a thing... Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-09-08 00:20:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
This was really good! I seriously mean it! I, however am not as literly intelligent as you display here. Yourformat is perfect with the write. And your ending is perfect! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! Rene'
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