This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-09-10 09:59:03 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Pieces
from deep within
a cocoon of sophistry
you emerge
your beauty
fleeting fraudulent
flitting
from bloom to bloom to bloom
to me
while feeding a heinous hunger
bleeding my nectar
until all wounds wither
and die
shattered shards of my soul
cruelly cast away
scattered
upon the winds of lies
in flightless free-fall
as I listen
to the sound
of a thousand whispered wings
crashing
against the cold stone floor of your heart
~ |
|
Copyright © September 2007 Mary J Coffman
Additional Notes:
Thank you Claire :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul H. Roefs On Date: 2007-10-04 03:53:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Mary,
In this poem you have chosen metaphors and superb imagery that bring the reader gradually along the writer's
thoughtout your poem. It gave this reader to wonder have I tread this disdain path in foley, or was I of
did I have better character. You have woven a tight net with words so very well taken and the
read move soft and smooth over the mind of this reader. I must remark here, That I have become
extremely fond of your poetry and look forward to your next writing.
This in one of my favorite phases,
"shattered shards of my soul
cruelly cast away
scattered
upon the winds of lies"
Thank you. God bless, with love, Paul
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-09-24 22:39:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary,
I'm not sure if its butterflies/cocoon but it is interesting, the concept of
them sucking you dry. I believe your fellow had a few flowers that were not to be had.
The cad! The many whispered wings against the cold stone floor of his heart.
He broke you and your soul into pieces.
I think another title would be more enticing than 'Pieces'
Maybe shattered shards or the like.
Good job showing your pain and anger.
dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-09-15 17:01:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Mary,
This is really good! I read this twice. Your inagery is writen with such a beauty and yet, not an over kill as your words tell a story. The beginning of the poem...
from deep within
a cocoon of sophistry
you emerge....breathtaking which leads perfect to the rest of the right with every word you penned seemed perfect. 2 thumbs up for sure.
Rene'
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-09-12 21:34:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary,
Your poetic abilities truly shine in this offering, fresh verbiage and delightful images make this a most enjoyable read. Thank you for posting this well penned poem for our enjoyment.
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-09-10 17:25:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
You are most welcome and this is beautiful. I have read it over and over again and it was not until this last reading I saw the additional notes. Your words flow bringing life to the piece and I sense a relief as well........to be free and as beautiful as the butterfly.........would not change a thing.....thanks and God Bless you as your journey continues on.....Claire
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!