This Poem was Submitted By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-09-15 06:30:16 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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With Me I thought I heard you call my name
whispering in the wind
and as I turned to walk away
I heard you call again
A gentle breeze blew my way
I smelled you in the air
and though I reached out for you
I stood in solitaire
The sun beat down upon me
with warmth from up above
I really miss you baby
and still give you all my love
I looked around to find you
your face I did not see
yet, somehow I knew
you were there with me
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Copyright © September 2007 Rene L Bennett
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-09-25 00:54:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Renee,
You are a poet. Your rhymes are good and unforced.'
You have an air of sweetness/innocence that is great.
You show your love and emotion. You share yourself and communicate wonderfully!
You actually have a natural ability.
This is quite good.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-09-19 18:17:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Rene'...this is a beautiful, melancholy poem. It speaks of an undying love for a person who left this world all too soon. It is soft and sweet and the rhyming is spot on....musical and a pleasure to read. I like your last stanza as it sums up the emotions inside the lines. ..."somehow I knew you were there with me"...I have felt this...well done.
Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-09-15 23:50:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Renee,
With simplicity you've reached out - and stirred emotions of a great loss in your life. These words could easily be changed to lyrics - and into a really good song.
The rhyming scheme works well, nothing reads forced or choppy - a great achievement on it's own.
The poem works without punctuation - which I usually leave out of my own poems - just because.
I enjoy your style of writing - this poem proves talent exists to reach out to, grab hold of the reader with the anticipation of wanting to read more. Last verse tells me, comfort was found in knowing of their presence, realizing it was there - feeling it - without falling apart.
Very good write, can't wait to read more of your work.
sincerely,
Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul H. Roefs On Date: 2007-09-15 18:00:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Rene',
I am so very sorry about losing the critique I had written on your poem, "Death."
When I was cutting and pasting for the purpose of spell checking what I had written
The website entered a "No Critique" as though I had SKIPPED the critique.
I am going to enter the critique here for your perusal.
Critique, "Death" 9-15-07
Rene,
The imagery throughout your poem is remarkable and the read is very smooth. The clarity
in each stanza move the reader to a full understand of the unfortunate and untimely loses
your har endured. I am so sorry for you having to live through such devastating heartbreak.
Thank you for sharing this deep personal feelings. Although I have lost some very dear
friends recently and I too feel pain, but they do not compare to your pain. I have every
good feeling that you will not be next, because you have wonderful poetry to write for us
here at PTL. And I for one, will be looking forward to reading and enjoying your poetry.
My very best to you, Paul
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Rene',
Thank you for posting this lovely tribute to your husband. You have done a beautiful job
writing this poem.It is intimate and thoughtful and show how very close you both were
and still are, as the reader moves from line to line. Thank you very much for posting this
poem. The rhythm is great, but the meter is a little inconsistent.
My very best to you, Paul
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-09-15 07:18:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Beautifully written and spirit filled for even though the body passes the spirit lives on forever. Your structure is very nice, your rhyme is right on, your pen flowed with words that brought this piece to life. I am sure he was there with you my friend for he lives in your heart.
God Bless, Claire
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