This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-09-21 17:30:57 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Beached
unsheathed under a breathless moon
spread upon sand-spurry sheets
listening to waves running on the beach
hands; roaming the curve of my coastline
searching for secret coves and sacred places
I shimmer upon golden grains
as you pour yourself over me
while tides wash in
lapping at a collage of tangled limbs
and mantles of effervescence burst upon bare skin
swelling erupting exploding into ecstasy
~ a leaf; caught in a riptide swept up in the surf ~
rushing in receding rushing back again
until earth yawns
breathing aurorean mists onto the wind
and ivory sea mews
leave mosaic messages
of wishes and wanton
to speak in slender sentences
sketched on sand - paper shores
~ |
|
Copyright © September 2007 Mary J Coffman
Additional Notes:
The prompt was "gull-tracks."
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul H. Roefs On Date: 2007-10-05 04:54:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69231
Oct 2007; " Beached" Mary J. Coffman
Mary,
Wow, that was a wonderful ride on the waves of passion. How lovely you have brought this reader through a memory of love and seduction. This is a great read, like a summer's breeze.
I like the use of script font, it gives a nice touch to this poem. (PTL showed the text too small type)
This interlude was done with excellent imagery. Love is so wonderful and the memories last forever. Thank you. With love, Paul
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-10-02 11:35:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Well Mary your gull tracks certainly took off and wow.......what a creation you have penned and presented for our review......good form, easy word flow, plenty of images to enjoy and emotions as well. I am certain many will venture in different directions though but to me this is purely lovely........thanks for posting, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-09-25 16:03:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Hi Mary...the prompt may have been 'gull-tracks' but to me it is about love making! It is very sensual and erotic! I love your word choices and the liquid flow of the lines. To me it is one of the most erotic poems I have read in a long time! Is it just me?? You are getting so good at showing your readers what you want them to see without really telling them to do so...a true gift. I find the form you used to enhance the words of this little gem, is working very well and a I can't even begin to think of it written into mundane strophes. Very well done....brava and buches of roses!
Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-09-23 20:54:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary,
Just like gulls, leave tracks all over the beach, markings that look like some wild bird orgy..LOL...and in their defiant freedom they definitely are prolific breeders.. Wonderful verbiage and here I will still a line that someone once said to me, " I doubt that in all you write that you could obscure the underlying sensuality with which you write", kudos my friend, keep them coming.
Namaste'
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-09-22 01:29:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Mary! GREAT WRITE! And your format is perfect. Can you please tell me how to format like that here? I have yet to figure that out.
Now, back to your poem, excellent, excellent imagery and metaphors. Beautifully thought out and penned with words created from the thought. I love your style because though you use imagery with metaphors, I find your work easy to read and defiantely understand. I am not scratching my head, saying, huh!
Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Rene'
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