This Poem was Submitted By: Sonya stewart On Date: 2007-09-25 18:08:03 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The soldiers guilt

In every beaten line that time has slowly chiselled  there lies a hidden story there upon his face. Truths and lies of many sins lay  concealed beneath his watery skin. Blind old eyes hold a million tears, and a shrivelled  heart that beat a million fears.  In bitter regret and   disgrace he shies from us in shame.   Old man, what did you do?  Did it take all of your soul, your spirit away? It has been a long time since you lived and  you haven’t much time. This is what you lived for, your purpose now spent? A broken sigh escapes his pale cracked lips, whispery breath Releases a sad Amen. For all the men he killed, for all his many sorrows.  For forgiveness and a new tomorrow.

Copyright © September 2007 Sonya stewart

Additional Notes:
This poem is published on Booksie.com but has had some changes.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul H. Roefs On Date: 2007-10-01 22:33:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Sonya, Your poem is well written and the imagery is very clear, but I am lost as to why you would so dishonor the many dead soldiers who may have come before your soldier's death, or there after. And what of such truths, or lies. were they really his. Perhaps the blame lies else where, he was just a soldier doing his duty as commanded regardless of his rank. Who placed this man on the battle field and armed to defend his countrymen? Are not they to blame? The bitter regrets of your soldier are to read your words chastising him. If I have miss interpreted your meaning that I stand corrected. I was a soldier and I have no miss giving regarding my service. Best to you. Paul


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-09-28 00:13:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Sonya, The stress/sorrow from having to follow orders to kill. Especially when the all wars were fought for greed. The public is not aware of the selfish evil secret agendas being played out behind the political curtain. The soldier knows the eye to eye look as one kills another. They following orders as requested. You wrote an evocative poem which could make a difference to the children romanticizing being a soldier. Thoughtful..... Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-09-26 16:08:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Hi Sonyaa...it is always so nice to welcome a new member to TPL! This melancholy poem is well written and it speaks to me on every level. As my husband lay dying he said he would not go to heaven as he had committed murder. He fought in the Korean war and like the man in your poem, he held so much guilt. We talked about his feelings and I feel he was able to release that guilt before he died. You have a good entro line which grabs the reader and compells them to read on. A poet or writer has two chances to hook their readers and that is a good title and a good first line....I think you have done that here. You have made good word choices and the flow and structure of this piece is well done. I hope you stay awhile as I would like to read more of your work....well done. blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-09-26 05:36:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Good style, form, word flow, filled with so many feelings, emotions and images which all have been created with the flow of your pen. For all the men and women who have served this great country of ours and for those who have served their country as well.....many have experienced what you have posted for the experiences of war are deeply touched within ones soul. Thank you for posting, looking forward to more of your work. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-09-25 21:03:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Wow! I had to read this twice. Excellent write and well thought out. I checked out the site booksie.com and low and behold, I belong to that site. I have no idea when I joined it cause I had no clue I was even a member...lol Anyway, I love your sytle and imagery. Sad words, so true for many. Rene'
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