This Poem was Submitted By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2007-09-28 08:34:08 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Triumph

He sat two rows in front of me slightly to the left He worked outdoors I could tell Close cropped hair flat on the top tattooed arms in a blue muscle shirt He sat without speaking I pondered somewhat arrogantly  what he might say Then he slowly raised his hand and humbled me “My mother died one year ago this day” He stopped and his hardbody shook His tough guy image crumbled and tears streamed down his face He gasped with the pain the memory drew head in his hands Dripping on the floor “I swore I wasn’t gonna do this” he panted “But I am. And you know what?" He looked up shiny-eyed and smiled “I can cry in front of all of you without shame.” Then he laughed in triumph as he cried

Copyright © September 2007 Kenneth R. Patton


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-10-03 01:18:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Kenneth, This is poignant. To be man enough to cry is a man! Each person has permission to express their emotion. Being a male or female is of no importance. It is myth that men should be strong, macho and not cry. I liked how your first impression changed. Muscle shirt/tattoo one thinks the worst. Crying, laughing, he conquered his fears. He beat the myth. Enjoyable and thoughtful, Dellena


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-10-02 16:29:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
Kenneth, This is so heartfelt, my friend. This really touched me deeply. It portrays, so well, how we tend to judge before we get to know someone. Appearance is most always somewhat of a facade....a pale reflection of who we really are "inside." It is simply how we "wish" to project ourselves to others. This is so very well depicted here in these well penned words. A lot of good visuals here, too. "....He looked up shiny-eyed and smiled...." I especially loved these lines. I could see the reddened teary/glassy eyes so clearly in my mind...I adore how you turned it around into triumph at the end, as well. It leaves a "good taste" in the readers mind, ending on such a positive and accepting note. Greta title, as well. Thanks for sharing this wonderful work with us. I so enjoyed reading this. Always, Mary
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-10-02 11:16:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
As sad as this is Ken it is beautiful and that is because you felt his pain and penned the words to bring it to life......good form, great structure, world of emotions and make it possible to see and feel it all. Thanks for posting, and for sharing this with us. the loss of a loved one is hard to share at times, tears fall always whether inside or out. You really did great with this one. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-10-02 02:06:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94118
Ken, I am humbled at the talent you grace us here with this write. While powerful, discritively alive,the other side; the side that is gentle, tender and caring is so very well portrayed for us and I say Bravo to your hero, we can all take a lesson from this page. Thank you for such an poignant offering. Kudos! Best always, Lora
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