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This Poem was Submitted By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-10-28 16:26:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Forget Me Not

I cried a tear Or two today While I packed Your things away I carefully placed Each piece in a box As not to break Forget me nots Pictures we took Memories we made Side by side Together they laid I stood there for A minute or two Gently whispered "I love you" Then I placed the lid On the box As I promised To forget you not

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-11-06 01:06:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70000
Rene, I like your writings, your rhymes are good, content heart wrenching, you have the ability to pull the readers into your poem, dexperience your love and loss..... But I think if you would shape/form/space it better it would be better to read, and be more drawing in of attention. [A couplet consists of two rhyming lines, usually of ten syllables each] I cried a tear or two today While I packed your things away I carefully placed each piece in a box As not to break forget me nots just my thought............ dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2007-11-04 16:09:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
You COULD HAVE end this poem in a much more interesting and fun way - thought you were going to stab him in the back - instead you provide the Hallmark ending and we're back to thinking about cleaning the kitchen and making Thanksgiving lists. Play with it. I like the way it sort of sing-song rhymes, lulls us - Add a punchline. Change the entire meaning and give us something to smile about. This is too "real." We want something "un-real." Think about it. tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-10-30 00:30:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Rene, Excellent write - sad sentiments simply stated in a good rhythmic flow. Less is more, in this write, because each line has enough imagery to get your thoughts across. Ultimately - a very difficult task - to take part of your life - and store it away. This I know for a fact - as I still have boxes of my sons things to go through. I'm sorry for your loss - your poem touches the reader - in a deep meaningful way. Good luck with this one, sincerely, Denimari

This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul H. Roefs On Date: 2007-10-29 20:19:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Rene', This reads was so wonderful, your words filled with meaning and love. The endearment of times with those we love most are gently and lovingly placed in a resting aside to be revisited from time to time. Those mementos that bring clarity to mind of a moments, a places, or a visions to be remembered. I love this poem because it bring joy to me too, whenever I revisit the loving memories of time past, reaffirming their immortality. Best you for sharing your thoughts. With love, Paul

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-10-28 22:22:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Rene this is lovely and filled with many emotions; images created with the flare of your pen, great rhyme which allows the entire piece to flow like a river........I enjoyed it from start to finish and I know how difficult it was for you to pen.........I do pray each day is a little easier for you and that those memories continue to help you heal from your deep losses........God Bless, Claire

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