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This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-11-01 11:21:09 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Awaken

Reaching, finding only air Grasping that, which isn?t there Falling into an endless pit Oblivious, no recall Silence, an eerie fall As if a final rite In a tunnel, in view a light Horsemen ride, with thunderous might Drifting through this space A figure shines, within a passage Sense something, rather massive Lifting this soul Ells lash out, come so close Truth, it seems yet so verbose Silence within this voice Visual now, air with sparks Heat intense, yet no burn marks Upon the spirit Spikes protrude from this cylinder Mind transcends, so little fear Memory begins to clear A voice I hear, are you okay? These eyes they open, begin to say Death foreseen in a different way Awaken for a sliver of time Repeat performance, what?s my crime Horseman ride, a sense of fear Movement felt, a slipping tear For one more day?

Additional Notes:
Just thought I would submit this from something I wrote in 2001. It presents the original piece I was reflecting in my poem in August.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-11-30 02:09:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72727
Thomas, I have to say, this is the best poem I have read of yours yet! Truly a masterpiece here. When I read a stanza I feel really sticks out as a favorite, I read yet, another one. This is defiantely one to be proud of. Visual now, air with sparks Heat intense, yet no burn marks...is breath taking and your ending is the finale of the entire write. Bravo!! Rene'

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-11-24 00:17:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Thomas, sounds like a near death experience of which i know very little. But falling into a pit, tunnel, bright light, awakening... Seems to be! After such, maybe one would not fear death. my best to you..... Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-11-04 14:19:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Wow Tom what an awakening you have had.....indeed an experience well worth sharing with all who will listen. I have read this four times already and it is so intense, so filled with images, emotions, feelings, thoughts, hopes, prayer, something you wrote six years ago and here you are.......still helping others to see the Light.......enjoyed the word flow and the images created, the horseman, the intense heat, the Light, the stillness of sound/voices. Actually, if we stop and think even for a short while.....all we have is today......tomorrow is promised to none of us and when we live it it is today..........thanks for posting, hope and pray you are well.........be safe, be warm, enjoy the rest of the fall.....God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-11-02 00:26:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Thomas, Your poem is deep, dark and thought provoking. An internal cry to the outside world for answers perhaps. It leans towards the spiritual side as well - and pulls emotions out of each verse. I can't exactly pin point, to what you are referring to - whether a loss, a death, or a significant episode of tremendous trial to get through. Your rhyme is rhythmic - nothing reads forced. If I were to change anything it would be to omit any extra words that lengthen the poem - (This is something I always do when I write) - and have had other poets, point it out to me. Something like this: Reaching only finding air Grasping to what isn't there Falling into an endless pit Oblivious, no recall Silence,like an eerie fall As if a final rite In a tunnel, in view a light Horsemen ride, with thunderous might Drifting in this space figure shines, within a passage Something sensed, rather massive Lifting this soul Ells lash out, come so close Truth, it seems yet so verbose Silence within this voice Visual now, air with sparks Heat intense, yet no burn marks Upon the spirit Spikes protrude from this cylinder Mind transcends with little fear Memory begins to clear A voice I hear, are you okay? eyes open, begin to say Death foreseen in a different way Awaken for a sliver of time Another performance, what?s my crime Horseman ride, a sense of fear Movement felt, a slipping tear For one more day? Just thoughts, good write, sincerely, Denimari

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