This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-12-08 15:10:35 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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On White Winds of Winter...

I flee                                                                                                                                                                      into the cloud chamber   of a miasmal mind like an aspen’s humeral veil       pulled snug around bare limbs I shield myself      from rueful shadows of ruse where faces betray feeling     and caged tears ache                 for reprieve     selfish in my suffering             held fast   in misery’s grievous grip heart pounding       beneath scourged skin     seeking salvage               waiting     as the whiteout of winter’s breath       ablates my pain then          ( if only momentarily) into this realm  I stumble         with solitude my shepherd           and stillness my companion   I am rapt    in a chancel of sacred space   riding paper snowflakes       on winds of waking dreams   wefting the smokewood of reason while fairy swallows dance         upon pallid petals of heartsease           in vanillin mizzle’s brumous blind at peace                   at last in the time         it took     a tear              to fall  ~

Copyright © December 2007 Mary J Coffman


This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2008-01-07 10:54:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Mary, I enjoyed the easiness of the flow and the gentle way of moving the reader through this. My only recommendation on this well written piece is to remove some of the triple and quaddruple spaced lines. Well done, Thomas


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-12-28 16:37:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary, With dictionary in hand I waded through the brume. I like your poem, your sorrow comes through, but I must be very lacking to need to look up 9-10 words......... miasmal humeral rueful ruse ablates [smokewood] not listed as a word mizzle’s brumous Anyway, I'll chock it up to an educational journey. Keep on. Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2007-12-24 02:27:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mary, Your imagery is breathtaking, unique and original. You are quite accomplished at showing inner states. Two things though, I find the font you use distracting. For powerful words, the font is too wispy, yours suits invitations to weddings. (Am I being trivial? I hope not.) The words you use are not for the most part, especially in this poem, lightweight. A tear dropping is, arguably, a matter of high seriousness. The second thing is that the poem needs more connection to be made with the readers. Establish a reason for caring, unless depicting depression was your only intention. You do it very well but your superb imagery needs to extend into the world wide world more in order to become more relevant to readers. Merry Christmas to you and yours! Terry
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-12-09 11:24:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Hi Mary....this is a fabulous write! Every line is precise and chosen with care...evey time I read one of your poems I think it better than the last....in other words I am stunned by your talent! This is so beautiful even though it is doleful and heart rendering. As I read it...more than once...I thought 'this is my favorite line'...then I would read it again and say 'no this is my favorite.' So as you can see I am helpless to chose one line or phrase over the other. A standing ovation...you may take sever bows for this one! No wonder you are number one...brava. Blessings....Marilyn
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