This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2007-12-28 05:52:34 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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If my heart was one within itself

If my heart was one within itself how many cares could never have endured? Would a hero's life have been required for expiatory deed or sacrifice? When too much is demanded of the soul it splits and dessicates, though God Himself has made the claim.                                  And so this doubtful prayer. If my heart was one within itself no crime could be, no insult need redress, no man need be dull hero of himself. Put an end to deeds and sacrifice,  be pleased with those demands my soul can meet in full measure. Ask of me not by halves to praise Your name.

Copyright © December 2007 Mark Andrew Hislop


This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2008-01-14 19:38:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mark, This is too late for last month's contest, where I feel it should have placed far higher then it did, all of your poems should have. I hope you are not discouraged by the contest, its proven haphazard and I rarely agree with all the choices, but the only way to change that is to gather voting weight. This poem, as prayer, carries a wonderful sincerity combined with poetic sensitivity and the depth of both the mind and the heart. It is in the tradition of the great Christian poets, different from Hopkins in style, but no less in rendering as in the best of Hopkins or Keat's work in this regard. Refreshing too, to read a poem that struggles with great concerns. Terry


This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2008-01-09 20:10:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mark, this is late in reply, but the work touched a chord, especially the final two statements. Very well written will clear intent and heartfelt honesty. Had I one suggestion, it would be not to stop the flow with the period after "measure." Were you to use "and" you would have a triple request which would be a continuation of the prior triple stanza beginning with "If my heart".... Only a humble suggestion to keep the message flowing. The construct is perfect, giving emphasis to the final line. Great liturgy material. Paul
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-01-03 14:42:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Well presented poem filled with so much inner being......word flow allows for emotions and images to present themselves to the one partaking in the reading. Thank you for posting; this one certainly deserves to make the winners list. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-01-01 15:39:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Hi Mark...I don't know how this poem sunk to the bottom of my list so quickly...but there it tis. This is a loely poem, one that is soft and gentle. You may have not been going for that type of response but that is the way it speaks to me. Prayer is such a personal thing unless you are saying it aloud in front of others. I am on the Church Vestery and we are often called upon to pray either opening or closing with a prayer. I am still not really comfortable with that but do it anyway. Silly, I know. "Ask of me not by halves to praise Your name"....this is such a beautiful line and is layered with meanings. An eloquent poem, dear sir.....brava! Hugs...Mazza p.s. Happy New Year
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-12-31 10:13:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mark, I am humbled by your eloquent prayer. It seems so simple yet such a complex of emotion and one prayer I'd readily join withyou in... I view prayers as personal and as such would not violate your write with suggestion for what you've offered is perfection and would it we that all could come with such honest and clear requests. Thank you for the sharing of this write. Best always, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2007-12-28 08:13:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
MAH, Eloquent. Wise. Welcome back. MSS
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