This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-01-23 01:02:50 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
When Love Is Not Enough First footsteps are the longest
when leaving you.
Air holds solemn stillness,
glimmering
landscapes fade.
I brush clouds away
with hasty steps
and lose myself
in continuous sorrow.
Tears drop and mingle
with declining dew.
Fallen leaves cover
the dust of my desire
and sky keeps gray
like fog
that flickers
when I sigh.
Sonnets I penned for you
are dead inside my breast,
I breathe into hollow air,
footsteps echo.
When the moon is askew
and shadows begin
to spill,
I’ll place a rose
upon your grave
and walk away.
|
|
Copyright © January 2008 marilyn terwilleger
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2008-02-03 02:34:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn,
Seem like this one comes from the same vein that produced last month's wonderful "Tears in December." This is my fav of your submissions this month, even better than that fine sonnet. But I will vote for both. :)
Mark (I will not be MSS again until the other Marks show up. Being the one and only at current, I'm going to sign off that way)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-01-30 21:27:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Marilyn,
Now your showing emotion. Good/bad/love or hate. You share yourself/the one person you know the most about!
We read/acknowledge our likeness. And we feel closer to you and to ourselves.
With this poem you have accomplished just that!
Perfectly of course!
I much enjoyed the moments!
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2008-01-28 23:48:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Marilyn,
Oh, the depth of this lovely but emotional poem. Each line is filled with such passion of person, I held my breath as I went on. I was amazed how you could express each line as if it was held by grace in the air! The continuing spirit goes from stanza to stanza. It blends so well and grabs at the heart. I can just see the “person’s†each step in the clouds, the dew, the leaves, and sky. The air, so hollow, and then the moon. Shadows bring me to a heartfelt pace and the rose says it all. This is beautiful and so well written. I will have to say it is one of my favorite always. You are so talented!!!
With love,
Debbie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-01-26 15:15:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70000
The sorrow which one feels at the passing of a loved one is so deep and holding.........the love shared during life's journey remains tucked within the lining of one's heart........your pain is certainly felt once more within the lines poet......the words bring forth emotions and images thus allowing each reader to go where he or she might need to be........capturing the moment , the time, the place, where you might still want to be.......I have said it before.......and I will say it once more........he is always with you as you are with him.....let those tears mingle and fall, release the pain felt deep within and leave a rose upon his grave walking away with peace within your own soul. Thanks for posting, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-01-25 15:34:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Marilyn,
Ah exactly "when love is not enough", your title speaks volumns and is an immediate draw...with your accomplished pen you take us through heart break, loss and poignant memories of a loved one. My only hope that in time, the pain becomes more manageble...or should I say something that at least allows for one to breathe. Excellent catharthic writing, no nits...Thank you for a window into your world.
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2008-01-23 17:17:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn,
This poem has some beautiful lines,
'fog
that flickers
when I sigh'
is really lovely.
The tone, that of sorrow exampled by your using the elements of nature to mirror your inner state.
Done quite well, and made poignant by not over-dressing, restraint intensifying your meanings.
This poem finds tradition in all poems of love and loss, characterized by the inevitable change that time brings to all things. The poem speaks of resolve brought about by this. And the enormous difficulty of 'walking away' from the memories of someone so significant to your feelings. This leaves the reader with the question, can you walk away? Keeping all the memories, yet freed of the gravity of the past? Making of what remains of your life, something fuller by the past, but not limited to or burdened by it? Your poem shows slivers of resolve to do this, yet the weight of sorrow seems so strong. As you say, "First Footsteps are the longest'; but then you can't 'lose yourself in continuous sorrow'. I would change the word, 'continuous'; to better support the ending of the poem.
I like that your poems are never overly-decorated and always dominated by sincerity. Because your poems are so personal, they never presume upon the reader any understanding that is not yours. Most of what you've posted on TPL is Romantic, emphasizing the importance of personal emotion and unity with nature, where nature and emotions might touch the soul.
A good poem, Marilyn. Successful to its meaning.
Terry
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!