This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-01-31 15:38:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © January 2008 marilyn terwilleger
Beyond dawn's waking form some storm doth break
and sink my love for you, my soul. Like gongs
all nights engulf me now, all lights forsake,
and only voiceless birds may trill their songs.
What reach will sail me to your side again?
I seek you under melancholy suns.
When land-becalmed, I drift and drift in vain
and sing your rune till all creation runs.
Before the crimson rays of days be done
before my mourning winds denude all trees
before a storm unfurls across the sun
my soul will flow again into your seas.
No, nothing I embrace in fantasy
will stay my lifelong voyage unto thee.
This poem was posted here about two years ago.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2010-01-22 14:47:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Lovely sonnet! The form is used properly as to intent, structure. The imagery is good. Thanks for a valuable lesson in the sonnet for...
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2008-02-06 12:59:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
It seems as though you have a new depth to express thoughts, emotions, and love. I know you have gone through so much and it has enabled you to express yourself in a deep and inspiring way. The intense voice with the use of profoundly rousing avowals make my skin shiver. I can see emotional and spiritual love of longing here and each line brings me to the wonder of this love. I was truly moved by this poem and clearly believe it is wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing this…
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-02-01 14:05:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
I could have swore I gave you a crit last night but alas I do not see one...so here goes. I love the verbiage and meter; an old world feel...this is delicious in all that you offer. No nits, I really like your closing lines...sort of puts it where it is...
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-02-01 08:06:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Beautiful is this sonnet poet and well worth posting once more. Your words flow and capture the reader and I find the title 'pulling' on its own. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2008-01-31 17:04:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ah, sonnetry. The little song.
I chanted yours out loud. Beautiful. I've come to a realization: Frost was right. Free verse should be reserved for moments of incredible flight, when the Muse is borne aloft and creates new form. When the fire dims, the stately march of meter and beauty of rhyme carries it along.
Of course, the Muse can soar and prefer to keep to the old forms. As you've shown. Bravo.
I assume that the archaic pronouns and such are deliberate. Sort of like adding the flavor that Shakespeare added to Sonnet 106: "When in the chronicle of wasted time / I see descriptions of the fairest WIGHTS . . . Actually, S's sonnet has a certain wistfulness - even though the object hooking his imagination is alive - for a bygone time in it, a wistfulness that, unfortunately, is somewhat defining for you now.
But not unfortunate for us, since it flowers into this.
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