This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-02-11 15:32:28 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Ghost Town

We walked the dusty trails of Cumberland that Sunday afternoon when summer idled. The sky sang in perfect pitch as blustery  winds blew across sand. A lone Antelope sauntered across  the dusty plain.  Sinewy and wild his gaze unconcerned. We walked in the heap and sweep  of sage and silt to find a door, white washed with age, a single stepping stone served as a sill. On the hill we found traces of textured cement the only vestiges    of his boyhood home.  He drew on memories gathered   over time and began to speak. He told of nine siblings who  slept in one room.   Saturday night baths in     a galvanized tub.  Spoonfuls of sulfur and molasses to ward off illness He smiled when he spoke of finding a lost dog on the railroad tracks.   He named him Shepp and took him home. He wanted to see the world when  he was fourteen and tried to hop a train.  The only trip he made was to the wood shed. I felt waist deep in images as he spoke.   The once wagon rutted streets were lost   beneath our feet, in earth blown by quickened  breeze. Shadows of Cumberland lived in  his senses as we picked a path across the wilderness. The hushed silence seemed to   speak in whispers of remembered heartbeats. I loved this kind and gentle man who now walks the tracks of heaven               *               *            My father

Copyright © February 2008 marilyn terwilleger

Additional Notes:
This is a very old poem...hopefully I have learned more about writing since then! Cumberland was an little town in Wyoming where my father grew up. It held many memories for him the day we went there to see if we could find anything of the home where he grew up.


This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2008-02-28 10:56:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Dear Marilyn, I think you did a superb job with this write. It tells a story, a reflection of days gone by. It lifts the reader - and pulls the reader into the story. There's a slight touch of sadness about it - just enough to creep in and let the reader feel it. We can't go back and live it over again, but we do always have our memories to hold on to. This poem touched my heart - there are no errors - and it was completely entertaining. Wishing you well, Deni


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-02-15 02:46:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Poet this poem is beautiful in every sense.....your presentation takes the reader right where you are....one can not only feel the love in your heart for your father which you still carry today......the images presented along with the flow of words brings the setting to life........his memories brought forth memories of stories my own mom used to speak of.......the same yet in a different part of the country. Thank you for posting this one again........certainly will be on my list for the month.....God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2008-02-13 12:16:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, Wow. I was riveted and only felt the enchantment dissolve, but not totally, as I came to the lines "I loved this kind and gentle man . . ." But then a moment's reflection on the phrase "tracks of heaven" brought such a glow as I matched the phrase up with the "walk[ing] of the dusty trails of Cumberland" - the movement of the antelope with his haunting "Sinewy and wild / his gaze unconcerned" - the lost dog on the "railroad tracks" - you're father wanting to "hop a train," yet "[t]he only trip he made / was to the wood shed" - you waist deep" in this track of images as it were - the wagon rutted streets lost below your feet - the picking a path across the wilderness . . . This poem is all about "tracks," vividly and powerfully presented in languages and images that just sing and glow, like embers of such comfort . . . This poem is magical. It can be made absolutely superlative with some attention to form. Inspiration like this is a gift and cannot be controlled by us. We cannot create the rabbits and the hats that the magic comes out of. We can pick the hat to a good degree, and have a large part in the arrangement on the table, even maybe are granted some latitude as to choice of rabbit. In plain terms, the vision comes to us, but we have a good deal of control over its presentation , which is not to say that even the particulars of presentation may also come mysteriously at times like gift. Yes, you have learned about writing. Take what cannot be learned - this cherished flash of inspiration and insight - and apply your learning to it. There is nothing wrong with revisiting these powerful imaginative moments contained in poems written when our sense of craft was not as strong as now, and revising their form to make them better - often the best poems are made that way. Consider what Wordsworth is talking about in Tintern Abbey - slightly different, profound emotions recollected in tranquility, but same idea - our prior charmed and privileged imaginative moments and creative revised later with the tranquility of removal from the earlier effort and our greater sense of the craft. I don't really like the ending, "My father." Though it feels almost blasphemous to say that after reading the poem. The title works wonderfully here. This is a powerful poem as written. Incredibly moving, the imagery, the innate structure and . . . wonderful. I think you could make in wonderful AND incredible with a little revision. I'm so glad you posted this gem. Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-02-11 21:47:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is a wonderful poem, one that would do well published in one of the western magazine, I do hope you will check into seeing if one of them would be interested. You've given us such a historical and yet present look at the landscape, of what was, is and what might come to be. I could smell the sage, feel the chill and hear wind whistling...makes me long for the high country, for the openess. Bravo, and a rose at your feet. Lora
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