This Poem was Submitted By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2008-05-27 08:04:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Old Folks

As a child I looked at Elders as foreign ancient relics Eternally old As a youth I looked at Grandparents Wondering how life could be so cruel to deal such blows As I wind through middle-age I’m beginning to realize how little my body has to do with me In my optimistic moments I’m almost eager,  or at least intrigued by the thought   of leaving it behind  There’s a Universe out there

Copyright © May 2008 Kenneth R. Patton


This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-06-04 08:36:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Ken, Unusual write and most intriqueing. You have a wonderful perspective, but let's hope you don't become to eager to traverse the universe in an alternate form. I don't know how many people have come to the conclusion your last strophe afford us, and I'm sure a lot of us can emphathise with your first two strophes. Your poem is tight and to the point, an enjoyable read that leaves the reader questions to ponder. Thank you for the stimulus of grey matter this AM. Best, Lora


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-06-03 16:03:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Kenneth, Interesting.... I think to be intrigued instead of afraid! The best line, There’s a "Universe out there" This enters me into the endless possibilities possible! And how little your body has to do with who you really are. I'd have liked a different title, more intriguing like your thoughts. Also the wind.......caught me as a breeze instead of a coil. All in all, very nice. Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-05-29 22:37:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Indeed my friend there is a Universe out there just waiting to be shared, explored, enjoyed by all......but first we do have to travel that certain road we call life......love the way you looked at Old Folks........from a child's point of view I suppose our grandparents looked much older then they really were for lifestyles, dress styles and hair styles I believe played a rather large part of the picture. My own memere had hair down to the floor at one time that I recall, she always wore house dresses with aprons but I do not recall the smell of home make cookies coming from her oven......I am now a grandmother of eighteen ranging from one year to twenty two years of age; I also am blessed with great grandbabies.....three so far with two on the way.........I'm not old enough to be a great grandmother, yet I am.........and my health certainly shows it.......love the way you size up middle age.....and our body having little to do with me.....how right you are for it has a mind of its own and does what it wants when it wants...... further enjoyed your closing thoughts of perhaps leaving it all behind and finding that Universe and start all over again, different from this life, whole, well, happy and healthy.....Lord's green garden is certainly a picture to be painted consisting of beauty beyond compare.......as you can tell I have enjoyed your read and it will make the month's list of favorites. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Cassandra E. Gorcsos On Date: 2008-05-29 16:24:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I can feel the optimism of the speaker in the way that you entwine your words together. The poem travels back in time, and into the future without sacrificing the intimacy of the present emotions. It looks at the passage of time with a very real feeling of both love and disgust. The rhythm balances out the emotions, showing talent in what COULD have been only a wasteful glop of sentiment. Good Job.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2008-05-28 03:49:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Kenneth, What a honest and great write. You actually brought back my own memories of remembering when I was young and even people in their 20s and 30s seemed so ancient to me then and as I reached youth, I agree, it seemed so sad to me then how it didn't seem fair in life that my grandparents should be so old (or so I thought) And now, as I too am middle aged, I see life as intended and the old age I thought was so ancient, doesn't seem so old afterall. Thanks for the read as well as a great memory. Rene'
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-05-27 09:24:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.75000
Perhaps your, "optimistic moments" are your more enlightened as well. The poem, I think, benefits from your restraint to employ more rigid stanzaic structure and rhyme. Such abidance to "earth-bound" traditions would have detracted from its sweeping final statement, "There's a Universe out there". The progression building in the first three verses is reminiscent of A. E. Housman's, A Shropshire Lad in that it repeats a theme from verse to verse and amplifies awareness to it. The lines, "I'm beginning to realize/how little my body/has to do with me" are my favorite and inspired are they. Quite possibly my favorite of your poems and a very good one at that. JCH
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