This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-09-12 15:36:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Promise of Sun Sunbeams slip through the shutters:
Waking the day with shards of lightness
Sun's energy pushes vibrancy into being
Joyful, its radiance dances with possibility
Maybe this, perhaps that, today holds promise
Goodness flits wistfully into the heart as a
Butterfly expanding spirit’s fancy
Crocheting lace to place, beautifying
Everything in all of all existence
Sun's reflection presents Earth: "a star from afar" |
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Copyright © September 2008 Dellena Rovito
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2008-09-22 11:09:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Very nicely written Dellena - it's a pretty piece of work. The sun in it's glory; lit up in your verses which hold truth, hope and the promise that on any given day - things can and will get better.
We've never been guaranteed - anything in life - but to be able to write and express something like
The Promise of Sun is truly inspiring to anyone that might read it.
I wouldn't change anything about this poem, and the ending ties it all together in poetic fashion.
My best to you always,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-09-19 23:01:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Dellena,
Delightful and well penned. I like the uplifting feeling it left me with...definitely a feel good poem. I only have one small suggestion: move "butterfly" in L7 up to L6, it leaves more for the reader to pause on, a point of thought that way your line is left with a hanging "a" which is void of contemplation...just my two cents worth--use or lose...Good read.
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-09-19 07:28:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70000
A delightful title poet, one that brings forth the magic of the sun as it rises in the morning light.......enjoyed the butterfly effect expanding spirit's fancy and the crocheting lace to place, beautifying everything in all of its existence..........Earth 'a star from afar'......well done my friend....making my list for the month for sure.......God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-09-13 00:30:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi D....I was drawn to this poem when I read the first line. You have excellent imagery throughout which is very pleasing. Where you say 'shards of lightness' I think just 'shards of light' would be a better choice. Of course it would not fit with 'goodness' in your third strophe, which could be changed if you thought it best. Also 'crocheting lace to place' is a fine phrase. All in all a very pleasing read.
M.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-09-12 16:54:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Aaaah, yes, this is so much better to my ear! The last line has a
complex meaning that could very well have some riddle. That's more
of a consideration now that the syntax is more in agreement with
a potential elevation of meaning.
It is very pleasing to me to see your poems improving and, as you
can see, others are taking notice as well.
JCH
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