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PARTING After that brief acquaintance, We have now parted our ways. I haven't asked for your address, It hardly makes any sense. I haven't asked for your phone number, Not to trouble you at the busiest hour. We have never been friends ofcourse, As I have never related tales of mine, Or you have never told me stories of your own. But our netted looks have bound us for sometime. If somewhere, sometime in future, May be as a pattered rain drop Or as a sound of laughter, I may come back to your memory, And spend my time in your leisure, Don't be surprised! And perhaps I wish the same Will happen to me, But poems not deciphered appeal better, Songs heard afar sound sweeter, Silhouettes look more beautiful, And a person half known seems dearer!! |
Additional Notes:
this poem has been published in PURPLE DREAM.
THE NAME OF THE POET IS E.S.VASANTA
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-10-22 20:34:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Sheela,
Welcome to TPL. I do hope that what I'm about to say will not offend you for it is meant with deep regard to your ability as an author and only constructively...so take my suggestions or leave them. First, you need to tighten this up, take out the extra words that tend to drag it's rthym down, other than that you've conveyed the emotions and sentiments of your subject matter. Thank you for the opportunity to read your work and I hope we see more of your writing.
Best always,
Lora