This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-10-08 17:10:04 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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A Rose I saw him walk the lane with steps too slow,
his head was down his stance was tired and bent.
His eyes were dull, their spark left long ago.
He stopped to pluck a rose and smell its scent,
a peaceful smile upon his lips lay pure
like rains whose healing drops are glory sent.
The tattered clothes he wore were held secure
by strands of rope, his shoes in bad repair.
His fingers held the ruby petal’s flared.
He bent his knees and looked up with despair,
a little echo called to him with grace
despite the voice of doom his soul declared.
He shed a tear that dropped like beads of lace
then kissed the rose, his life he would embrace.
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Copyright © October 2008 marilyn terwilleger
Additional Notes:
A Terza Rima sonnet
14 lines - iambic pentameter
aba bcb cdc ded ee
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2008-10-17 10:58:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marilyn,
Sorry, but this reminds me of the chains of Jacob Marley. But with the reception "Mother" got . . . what the hell do I know?
MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-10-09 20:09:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marilyn,
Nice to see you branching out with your sonnets... I found this without nit, good structure and the verbiage leaves clear and concise images in the mind. It reminded me of another you did about a gentleman in shambles...anyway, it definitely left an impression in my mind and one that won't be easily forgotten...it will linger. Especially liked your last two lines..Kudos!
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-10-09 11:02:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.00000
You are so very talented with your pen my friend......A Terza Rima sonnet....so well done. each line, each word brought forth the images you created, one felt his pain and despair and at the same time one felt the beauty he felt within the rose he picked.....my muse could never have written with such flair and beauty. God Bless and thank you for sharing your God given talents.....Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2008-10-09 01:17:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.75000
Marilyn,
This poem; is a very emotional write; makes one stop and count their blessings. It's tragic, because this exists in our world - where people loose the inner glow; the spark fades; and they loose the ambition and will to improve - you touch on aging, poverty, lonliness and someone who still tries to look up - with hope but finds no consolation in the act - his soul is listless and dormant - and needs to be awakened with something - if only a flower - a scent; something to bring a moment of joy.
Very profound, and nicely done.
Sincerely,
Deni
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