This Poem was Submitted By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2008-10-23 12:15:43 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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MOUNTAIN OF OBSTACLES

Mountains are high, and I cannot climb them; even those that rest with God. Affording views, for the Revelations, my legs too tired and trails too long... I’ve felt loves’ sting, and known some pleasures; i’ve truly been kicked, and beaten blue, crying tears of blood, while walking lonely; amongst the lies of sired love. Mountains are cold and tundra’s windy; winds so strong, most turn around! Those who don’t, wear unbearable barren scars of the battered, but innocent... Winds like his water will buffet us clean. Mountain is hope when strength is waning. Never it moves, yet, forever is changing; sloughing and sharing with any who ask.  Knows no greed, nor harbors for hatred the coldest memories all conquered here! Mountain heals both the wronged, and wounded Fathers the forest, and waterway, where no error harms the innocent soul. Cures with air and waters pure. Unseen beatings’ bruises have healed- Mountain is high but I have climbed it though my pace was slow and weak, it raised me up, then led me over, unforgiven chasms and obstacles, thrown my way- Over the obstacles thrown my way...  

Copyright © October 2008 Mark D. Kilburn


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-11-06 00:54:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Mark, It sounds like life is a series of mountains. Hard to climb, yes but necessary. Battered bruised, weak, and yes wounded, but overcome. Sometimes it take a lifetime to conquer even a small hill. And others can do much more. It's called growth. Learning to live even by yourself. Mountain is hope when strength is waning. thank God, Dellena


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-11-05 08:18:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
well penned my friend, words create many images, roads of life , some we attempt to over come others we might just let pass us by. The flow of your words hold the reader close.......I liked the closing as it gives one a look at what and how you accomplished life so far.......perhaps you have many more mountains to climb and just remember God is always by your side. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2008-11-04 15:57:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mark, This is an example of when a formalism works. The religious overtones in this poem make the formal structure suitable, giving it a hymnal quality. Some nice phrasing, and not a piece without some quality. The poem has enough craft and vision to sustain the formalism, to grow into the borrowed form, and that is an achievement. Nice effort. I particularly like those "lies of sired love." However, the poem could use some cutting, having much extraneous motion. The bending of the legs, the warm up, will often appear in a first draft as the imagination makes its first tentative movements toward creating something complete in itself, but those preliminaries should not appear on the track during the course of the race, and should not be in the final product. MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2008-10-23 17:29:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.50000
Dear Mark, This a really beautiful poem; I can see it set to lyrics - to lift those who have been on the same path and need to be inspired. I came across a song; by Patti Griffin last year after my oldest son died. It's called Up To The Mountain; listen if you have a chance - I think you will like it. Your verses are very stark; with imagery that flows from one to the next. I particularly enjoyed the verbiage you chose to make the reader feel the morose; down trodden weak soul - walking this path. The mountains we climb; are very high - and we never know when something will happen; to make them higher; but we do have to maintain - our hope, and faith - that we are meant to do battle against something in life; and come out above the situation stronger than before. Very good read, sincerely, Denimari
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