This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-11-10 07:51:47 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Unawakened

Shifting tides of thought, washing sands                of remembrance. Played out in strange furrows             upon the brow.  Not hinged to more than playful Not begun to end in solving, even loving            anything more than had been. Touches unlingering long enough to lead                          somewhere Teasing unpleasingly like soup too cool                 but not cold enough. Like a jacket too nice to wear, run-out of               nice somewheres And you lying there unattended                             on my bed. 

Copyright © November 2008 James C. Horak


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-12-07 15:41:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
James, At times we are unawakened to sexual sensual things....neither does it matter. I'm at times numb to any emotion. The bad comes so fast and one hardens from the blood and gore running down our streets. Watching horror films doesn't help. And so rare is goodness and less advertised. I want to be open to goodness but am fearful it may be another ploy. Everyone needs something from you, [unattended on m bed]and I'm running low in my cup. Fill me up so I can give more...... Dellena


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2008-12-04 10:30:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
JCH, Customary JCHian concept play. The line "[n]ot begun to end is solving" has particular resonance with me. Experience, numinous and vital, full of intellect without being ideological, is what poetry should be contain, and be about. Which that line (or rather component of the line) says to me. As does the poem. An exhibition of why the poetry here continues to strike a difference with me. Though my ears are apparently . . . somewhat odd, going by the sparsity of other ears in attendance. MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2008-11-10 21:58:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello James, Thought I'd stop by and comment....traffic has been awfuly slow here. I wonder if it is always this way during the start of a new cycle. As usual, a well-written piece that is powerful in what it conveys - forgotten love, saturated togetherness, neglect, etc. 'Teasing unpleasingly like soup too cool, but not cold enough' - great line and the highlight of the lines in this piece. 'shifting tides of thought, washing sands of remebrance' - nice line though i was wondering if the image could be a bit more unique ....i like the alliterative sounds here but was perhaps looking for more of a unique image. However, if we must have the 'sea' image here, then i guess it would have to stay. It is still a fresher way of referring to the outdated and over used 'sands of time' image and in that context this represents your ability to tap into originality :-) nevertheless, i guess im being too picky. Overall, a solid poem, yet again. I look forward to readig more. Duane.
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