This Poem was Submitted By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2008-11-23 19:34:57 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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My Birthday Wish

It has been exactly 9 years since I have celebrated my birthday.  Actually, it has been that long since I have celebrated any holiday.  I smile in remembrance of past days when life couldn’t be better  as anticipation would excite me at least a week or so before the actual day.  Darold, my husband, would always surprise me with the unexpected.  He was always good at things like that which made my love  grow even deeper every year. I loved him and he knew this. his love for me clearly showed in his eyes.  That’s how life was……content with the world spinning  just enough for me to catch my breath. My Mother didn’t have much to give and I knew this.  Yet, every year she would lovingly hand me a heartfelt card  which I knew she had spent hours and some times days  searching and reading determined to find those perfect words.  And she always did. I treasured every card she so proudly gave  and kept them in a box. Now every year, this time I read  each and every one remembering her smile and sometimes  I even think I can smell her. I so regret taking life for granted  never realizing it all was just a borrowed gift. It seems so long ago since the days of innocence  only leaving me with a memory for I no longer celebrate  the day of my birth and no longer does anyone care.  The stars have shifted as I knew they would and the sun  hides daily as foretold. Bittersweet promises hold  no truth shifting winds which led me here as seasons  change with time. My wish this year is not for the past  as hopes always die in a dream. Instead I close my eyes  and imagine myself far away from the madness  which now engulfs me and wish for peace, love and  even friendship just for today. Oh well, maybe next year.                                                                                      Happy Birthday to Me

Copyright © November 2008 Rene L Bennett


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-12-02 20:58:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Renee, Happy birthday lady! The first part was more a prose/story style..... but the last stanza was lovely poetic music to my ears. It flowed like from your soul. Very nice and emotionally telling. Peace, love, friendship shall be yours. Just look it all reAdy lives in your life. You just don't recognize it. Surprise yourself....it's different but it's good. Dellena


This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2008-11-29 21:57:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Hi Rene, Your poems have one remarkable strength - raw emotion, you dont soften the extreme, you are true to yourself and this is important in this art. Poems that lie, dont stand for very long. This is a must keep for you. As you develop your craft, you might consider 'telling' less and 'showing' more. Use imagery, dont over-narrate and elaborate - make your readers ponder...and wonder...let them decipher the meaning of your words... Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-11-25 09:53:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Although, Rene, this is full of poetic "meat" for many prospective poems (which I would very much like to read) it is not of a style poetry commonly assumes by definition. But did I enjoy it? Yes. Did I take in some insights and illusions equally uncommon to the genre of poetry? Yes. In this way, such a work challenges definitions, mindsets and even innate values. And, personally, I muchly prefer this to many of the "polished" poems that have won, over the years, the monthly contest here at TPL. However, for a broader audience and an appeal to the more usual of the poetry afficionado I would suggest revision. No direct statements, you don't need them. Don't worry about such things as continuity, context and punctuation. Employ a certain amount of indistinctness and leave the rest for the reader to sublimate meaning. Thus all the richness you offer becomes theirs. And you will have a fine poem on anyone's standard. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-11-24 08:24:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Rene.....I too wish you peace, love and joy.....the gifts of the Holy Spirit, as you celebrate your Birthday.......memories are great to keep in the lining of our hearts, boxes with cards from those we love help bring them to feel again. Your pen certainly has open the gate to an enormous assortment of feelings....the sadness is also felt within. Put away the madness you speak of......smile at the world.....you are loved by many......I know we all look forward to finding your work on the link.......and again, a very Happy Birthday......God Bless, Claire
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