This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2008-11-23 23:49:52 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Can't Be Ripped Away In the marrow of my soul
Shades contrast black.
The Lords Temporal
Of Blamed Shamed,
Certainty in the fogbound
Months; where a placid existence
Scorns the Sphinx of Peace
From humanity.
Yet each piece of energy within
Still feels ebullience.
Above the dark doves that hover like hawks,
They don’t know intuitiveness as well.
My bones can’t be picked;
Or licked of dignity.
Through any ticking hour,
Of any living day.
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Copyright © November 2008 DeniMari Z.
Additional Notes:
Using up credits........
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-12-05 16:48:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
No need to use up credits my friend.......you are a very good poet and we always look forward to finding yor work posted here on the link. I do hope and pray the New Year finds you still with us and that your heart will find peace over this past year. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-12-05 15:42:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
DeniMari,
I liked this up until a cop out [feeling] ending.
Through any ticking hour,
Of any living day
You could end this on an emotional note instead of no note!
Just my take of this.
Some good parts, good thoughts.
KEep on ..........
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2008-11-24 10:04:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
DeniMari,
Using up credits profitably I'd say. There is a sharpness here in imagery not hitherto seen from you. An advance in phrasing and thought. Though I did see such inklings of advance in one of your recent posts.
I suggest a lesson to be learned from that: this growth comes from some recent jousting on the forum. Coincidence? No. It is the poet in you responding to a stringency she was being called to. I hope you see that. And I hope you have more credits here to "use up" so the advance can continue.
Bravo.
MSS
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