This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2009-02-18 14:51:23 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Contribution Little to offer
so much to gain
Life is so full
yet I still just refrain
Why so little to offer
could easily become the hermit like the crab
could huddle away like the turtle with extremities hidden
peace would be accomplished with thoughts dwelling on the past.
So much to gain
opening up renewing the riches that have been bestowed
opening the locked doors allowing a passageway through
enlightenment would be the result with bright moments to come
Life is so full
living it is the key otherwise it becomes limited
living within the crossroads allows one to search for the adventure
new life is achieved and blessings are plentiful
Yet I still refrain
fearing the unknown but satisfied to just be
fearing others limiting my direction, with little to go awry
satisfied to hide within this shell….
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Copyright © February 2009 Thomas H. Smihula
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-03-01 17:32:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Thomas,
Cut the 'just' from the first stanza....for meter and effect.
I like it as the following stanza titles/so to speak!
And quit hiding! We are so easily relate-able cause of our similarities.
nobody will limit you but yourself.
we are our own enemy.
try, be more, be allllllllll you can be.
you'll be so glad and proud of yourself.
good job of expression and sharing.
Unique form.
I'm here if needed.
dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-02-22 21:14:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Hi Thomas,
A deep philosophical piece. If only more of us refrain from refraining and open ourselves to the mysteries of life and the adventures it holds....
It is great to find a post from you and look forward to increased participation in the months to come.
Take care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2009-02-19 08:01:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Thomas,
I agree, there is A LOT one can gain but I as yourself, sometimes fear change and the uncertainty that comes with it. Why rock the boat when it is not sinking..true? But then again, one hiding in a shell seems to miss the golden opportunities we see so many others achieve. Love your poem and the message it gives.
Always,
Rene'
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-02-18 16:32:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.75000
Very interesting device, Tom, to refrain each subsequent verse from a line of the first.
Like fare ordered by menu. We do suffer at the hands of misfortune the spirit of childish
adventuring so precious to discovery. A thing for which we should never grow too old. But
the mystics may trade even eyesight for the inward path they promote. A thing that hardly
seems more than resignation to me.
But we do have times to "hermit" from the world, hopefully to draw in better perspective
than the maddening crowd allows. At least I hope none of us succumb to more lengthy hiding.
We all need each other, one way or another. And no better thing exists than to help a man
or woman bear their cross more easily.
We either feed the inner beast of gregarious yearning or we are fed to it.
Take that from a former hermit.
JCH
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