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Stormy Weather Love is torn from today Replaced by those rejected The sweet melody of goodness Sounds faint next to corruption Vilest of vines will traverse Once blue clarified sky Bartered like a commodity Time's switch positions Words lose their balance God was barely an occurrence Fond memories are not relevant Uninvited people have developed Superfluous flow the waters Sobs whimper of what, once was Freedoms loss may endure To follow the gathering storms And the rains continue to fall Indicative of the malevolence |
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-03-06 11:05:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.71429
It is gratifying to see how your poetic language has progressed, Dellena. You're finding more and more
how to bring the depth already there to the surface in your writing. Your moral core, especially, something
I've always regarded highly in you.
I'm not going to discuss my intentions saying the next thing, but allowing you'll find them yourself...
change the last line. Experiment. It's the only contention I have for this poem.
Here, however, is an idea for your work of late. Although the times are bad, hope is a precious thing.
Never write a poem that does not offer either remedy or hope. It's like carving in stone a form of doom.
JCH