This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-04-17 13:50:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Blur of Rapture

Spring shines through growths of green, Paled transparency illuminating round Tinted tips of live bouquets. Lustrous scents bring new to view. Glance away then back again. Expect essencials missed with first sight. Yellow in unique patterns, Blending up to purple spread down edges  Flower one of it's only kind. One of an only kind Is all there is, because nothing exists exactly the same. Exactly exagerates reality in all aspects, Beyond each season and reason in life. Differences take reign over precise. Chosen angels can bridge apart,  Take flight and shine original  with wings unlike. Guiding all to witness radiance Upon seeing with first sight.

Copyright © April 2009 DeniMari Z.

Additional Notes:
Trying something different - all comments appreciated. Posting something more uplifting; positive rather that painful emotions.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-04-23 23:30:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Hi Deni, This piece resonates with a feeling of uplifment. You have it all here - tinted tips of flowers, a new view, aromatic scents, purple spreads and yellow patterns, angels,etc. Again, maybe because I'm a fanatic for short poems, I would rather this be trimmed to pack in more punch. I would suggest re-working verse 1 as it does not shine as much as those that follow. It is very hot back here in India. We are currently under a heat wave. I hope the weather is a lot cooler where you are. Duane.


This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-04-22 23:38:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This poem has several stunning lines. But those spelling errors hurt, DeniMari. Some people can't look passed them. It's essentials and exaggerates. "Differences take reign over precise" is poetic language at its best. "Beyond each season and reason in life" is both that and splendid in internal rhyme. "Take flight and shine...." is ear pleasing. I want the first of the poem brought up to this level. "Lustrous bring new to view" is tawdry rhyme and not anywhere in keeping with the second half of the poem. Chunk it. More imagination than "Yellow in unique patterns" (you have room left over in the line.) And then this could really be a something special poem. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claus Michael Ranswill On Date: 2009-04-20 23:06:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is very visual and unique, the first thing that popped out to me were the two typos, essencials to essentials and exagerates to exaggerates, I don’t know if this is deliberate or not, if not to fix this you can type all your poems into a word document, look for the red squiggly line, then fix, pretty easy, could just be an oversight, as for the rest of the poem, it is colorful and full of imagery, it could be longer, it could use more colors throughout, it is hard for me a rhyming poet to judge a non rhyming poem, but I would not critique if I did not like it. I like the story, the flow, and the vision, good work
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-04-18 21:14:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni, I like what you were saying and where you were going with this. Even so, just a few small nits. First when you said "essencials " did you mean "essentials"; that confused me a bit. Next, your line "Flower one of it's only kind" read a bit ackward for me...perhaps "flower, one of a kind" and might I suggest that you don't repeat the "One of an only kind"; for me it was a bit redunant and hindered my read...just start the next stanza with "all there is"; you've already set up your lines to flow into the statement easily... Just mytwo cents worth... Very colorful verbiage, one could smell the fragrance without trying... Take Care Lora
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