This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-04-30 13:47:43 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Mother's Boy Centuries of salted ocean air
Flow back around through time
Weathered porcelain horses
Circling the merry-go-round
Up
and
Down
Years of salted skin
Scents come back to me
You my love who's gone
Mixed with my unending tears
Brave
and
Fears
Rocks will stop me for a moment
Fill my soul with weighted doubt
Escape with breath from the past
Exhale our story and make it out
Now
and
Hereafter
I will
always
be
with
you.........
My son.
|
|
Copyright © April 2009 DeniMari Z.
Additional Notes:
Coming close to 22 months of loosing my oldest son. "Time heals all wounds", does not apply......
RIP my darling Angel Shaun - you served your life purpose to save other peoples lives - and when you're time on earth was over - your purpose fulfilled - God took you home; I had 29 awesome years with you; and for that I will feel eternally blessed.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-05-02 17:31:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
DeniMari,
Nice, loving, soooooo sad. Time just makes you more accepting of what happened.
It isn't necessarily healing.
But what can be done. nothing. His lifetime is over.
And yes, you were blessed .........
Wonderful tribute.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-05-02 02:26:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hello Deni,
This was a very personal poem and I can tell that immense love went into it. There is no greater requirment for successful poetry than FEELING itself and these sensitive and softening words from a mother to her son, exemplify this. Thank you for bearing your heart to us and for also giving us some hope as we recount similar situations in our own lives.
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-05-01 19:51:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Quite a lovely poem of remembrance. With an interesting stylizaion, you've gone back to subtle rhyme and
found a beauty in "doubt" with "out". Flows wonderfully. "Salted air" with "salted skin" holds the reader
to look for association. It gathers our senses and makes us apply more sensual participation, a device the
French decadents employed marvelously, Baudelaire in particular.
One suggestion, by no means a correction, think about, A mother's son, instead of "My son".
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claus Michael Ranswill On Date: 2009-04-30 16:39:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
This is a very moving piece; I cheated and read the notes first
The structure and style is good throughout
The message is clear and painful
I could not even imagine, my 3 kids are 10-15-17, time flies by so fast yet so slowly also
Very original and personal , keep writing, sometimes the writing helps heel faster than time or at least helps a little
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-04-30 14:39:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Deni,
This is so heart felt and wrenching yet filled with promise. No, time does not heal all wounds, we just learn to cope and then there will be the days that we don't cope--- so we just feel, many don't understand. Maybe in the feeling and in the writing is how we go on...that and God's grace until we fulfill what we must. Excellent accomplished and for me it is one of your best.
Peace,
Lora
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