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This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-07-04 10:14:06 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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You're Only My Friend........When

Shoulders passing left to right brush mine but I'm out of sight Invisibles tread down the road Ne'r offering ease of a load Kindness sits and waits for owners to give it a place to go Mostly it sits and moves no where. Words spoken no intention voices with empty recognition Weak too weak for validation only words for inspiration People are not to be trusted until they do what they say Myself I trust every day knowing people are hesitant to help someone is evident The grated path will stop each one at some point in a life Skids, fall an over all flat place will come in time yet those that think a match won't burn it down Will be first place standing crying out help me help me sounds

Additional Notes:
Angry, in the processing of moving and finding that people just are not available to lend an hour; of their time - doing this alone with my son Josh through the heat has been ridiculous.....& stressful

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-08-07 21:16:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Well then, we'll forgive this poetic venting. (Still better than the forlorn love-sick wailings we get from time to time.) All points well taken too...I've a whole family that fits your characterization. Alas, family can be the worst. Always, trust is to be earned...gainsay. Now really though, you weren't all that surprised at being so deserted...were you? Sorry to take so much amusement...but I have earned it, my dear. JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-08-03 18:24:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
DeniMari, We are so inundated with stuff to do, it's hard to keep up. Most do not realize their gift of time is lost until it is way too late. Most friendships are just using another to be entertained. Certainly not to be burdened by them! I've lived your situation.......good riddance. I like to think I'd do different then them. Good job of expression. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-07-25 16:21:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni, how right on you are. It is so tiring yet all so common that we give a hand to all those we call friend and when it is needed in return no one is to be found. So sad for them because when the chips are down will we still be around to help, one must wonder for if we don't help each other up, who will be left to lend a helping hand... Infuriating yes, but it is the nature of the beast unfortunately so we must smile and turn it over to a greater power to deal with the short comings. Excellent and enjoyable, the anger and cause well stated in your easy flow of words. God bless. L

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2009-07-20 09:56:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
DeniMari, Interesting piece although I like the second part best when you focus on yourself and the feelings hidden within. The move from the first to the second part made me feel like it was two poems put together but that is only this persons feelings. Thanks for sharing.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-07-04 23:53:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Deni, I can relate. It is most unfortunate that the world can stoop to such heartlessness. Expecting anything of anyone is seems too much in today's world of human nature. I relive betrayal on a daily basis. Your poem certainly reeks of the anger that has been building up. I do feel that you might want to sit with this a little more when the dust settles, to do some polishing particularly with regards to structure as I was not sure about the kind of form you were going for. I also felt that the last verse packed the most power and if I were you, would revise this poem using the last verse as the pillar. Build on it - 'help me help me sounds', was great. A nice slap of an ending. Duane.

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