This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-08-03 01:46:47 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Peer Pressure

The landmine Lieutenant has an offensive job Shifting positions in fear of discharge duty Unwritten rules he can’t break Distrust keep him alert on the ground protection of name crafts his world More than blowing up companions minds candor ignored and twisted Please the GIANT he sees as friends Sly why if ghosts can’t defend their honor? Six feet layers of packed dirt smothering all Won't bring back the faceless voices of truth.

Copyright © August 2009 DeniMari Z.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-09-06 00:09:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni, I liked reading this. There is more to it than meets the eyes and your last line - 'wont bring back the faceless voiceless of truth' underlines this. While I'm unable to pin point the excact message in the piece, there are many clues which make the reader think and form one for himself - 1. call to duty 2. living up to expectations 3. exploitation by the giants of this world (corporate houses, nation super powers, etc). You have poste quite a few pieces this month and I'm glad that you are in an inspired mood to write. Duane.


This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-08-31 00:12:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
There was once an astute who knew he was under constant surveillance. One day he began to scold his phone. Jabs like, what kind of man does this willingly, a voyeur? Someone that would break in and pilfer women's underwear...smelling them that night? Days of this, everytime he came near his phone. Finally one night a faint reply was heard, "I just do what I'm told." You poem is a search into what drives people to think of evil as duty. A difficut thing to do and to prevent the austere and unattractive air of judgement. To acutally enter into another's head. I like the broken syntax for it impacts back on what must be broken thought...meant to avoid more than to forgive self. Yes, such things are the consequence of succumbing to peer pressure...the first passage into the abyss. You might enjoy a fantastic movie I recently saw, The Lives of Others. Sometimes there's a break with the horror. A poem with its own significance. And that esteemed. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2009-08-11 12:22:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni, Fascinating poem. Just love that first line - wow, what a grabber! Then a great last line, always very important to leave the reader in a state of excitation. A little entanglement in the syntax at some points in between. But since form must be a vehicle for meaning, or should in a good poem - I wouldn't change it. The poem sort of explodes into the more classical syntax and rhythm of the last line. Nice. Mark
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