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This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-08-26 15:06:53 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Yoyo

First down, then up the yoyo rolls flipping twisting always turning. Maneuvered by my sleight of hand. much faster paced than I have planned. Whirling circles as life's in spin control is what I strategize. It rollick walks across the floor reaching high it returns once more. Back and forth times clock's moves on gripped by achievement I twirl again. Pushing out the forefront of me the serpent uncoils accordingly. Like the yoyo I'm in flux Down and up all around, then through my exploits churn like this simple toy. I tightrope walk and hope for joy.

Additional Notes:
An oldie.

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-09-06 01:00:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
An interesting flair for parallelism found here. In the comparisons in life found with the "motoring" of a yoyo, so you've found aspirations of all kinds. The illusion you create in the lines, "my exploits churn like this simple toy./I tightrope walk and hope for joy". is nothing short of astute euphemism. Spectacular in that it captures both illusion and euphemisim fully. The lines work out well in meter and rhyme as well. I'm glad you've taken poetic license with syntax, "It rollick walks...", it shows you growing as a poet. JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2009-09-01 16:46:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, This yoyo is alive, a little demigod. The yoyo owns this poem, but you take it away from him in the last stanza. You had me becoming a devote of him, so I want you to give the poem back to him, and let HIM end it. As with your porcupine poem, I think you are a very good at giving life to things outside you. In your porcupine poem you insert yourself - if I remember correctly - but your presence is defined by its relation to the porcupine. The distance of the simile ("like this simple toy") takes your yoyo out of the poem, unlike your porcupine. As I said, I'd give it back to him, or at least give him equal stature at the end. This is more of a specific comment on the write then I usually want to get into, but I make it because I think it highlights and helps focus on what I see as your strength: giving presence and power to what is outside of you, while retaining the necessary you, without which what is outside doesn't mean a damn thing. MSS

This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2009-08-31 20:15:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Dellena, I like the pace of this poem, you move it along with the zest playing with a yoyo has, and the language parallels both (your life and the symbolism of the yoyo) extremely well. The imagery is vivid enough for the reader to see you and the yoyo, with the thought accompaning each twirl. It's quite well done, Dellena, and again, I appreciate how you evoke motion (flipping, twisting, turning,churn, etc. etc.). No centre of the tornado here, and that's refreshing. Terry

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2009-08-30 22:02:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dellena, maybe an oldie (I dont' know it), but the reality of cycles for all of us is pertinent to living. In exchanging thoughts on the subject of your piece, I often wonder if the yoyo is cause and affect, or if the inward working of my mind and soul, create a yoyo experience. I know one thing, you have described it well, as if living is a temporal causality loop we all must deal with. A very nice read.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-08-29 22:43:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Dellena, Fun piece. Full of movement as the yoyo keepings moving in and out and up and down. I like the way you liken this to your expoloits. I'm not sure, but the serpent image to me, is at odds with the bubbly and light hearted nature of the piece. It wept the smile off my face as I prepared for something more sinister in the verses to follow. Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-08-29 21:49:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Cute, first verse is exactly what happens to me with a yoyo, although I haven't touched one since my grandsons were little. For the very fact that they are "frustrating" to work with. Nice start. Your blending of the yoyo with life is true, much time is spent with gaining achievement as you've put in with your 3rd verse. Nice touch. This is an oldie I don't think I've read before, and it's simplistically adorable, fun read. blessings, Deni

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